Salem and Beyond - The Soundtrack of My Life

O Sole Mio

2011-03-11T13:21:00.000-08:00

or crazy old Italian men! I know this is a little off my regular track of soundtracks but it is appropriate. I live in a two-family house that is over 100 years old. The landlords are from a little island (Ischia) off the Isle of Capri and are in their mid-80s. They have been like adopted parents the 20 some years I have lived here but are sometimes a real pain in the butt! Antonio is a typical old Italian man - he speaks broken English despite having been in this country for many, many years; eats only Italian food if he can manage it (pouts when he doesn't) and is always right about everything. I mean everything!

He has been a good landlord for the most part but now he has heart problems and can't do much upkeep. So I try to do what I can and ask my awesome guy friend (the finish carpenter) for help when I can't. If it is a big or costly job then I ask Antonio to get someone to do it. We've been good to him too. During every snowstorm, Ian and I were out there shoveling his driveway and a path to the backdoor as well as getting our two cars out. So for the most part our relationship is very good; they ignore our late nights and sometimes some noise and we don't see a lot of each other.

Did I mention Antonio has a reputation for being a little tight with his money? He squeaks sometimes and I know how much they made when they sold their house on the island many years ago. It would have been enough for me to think about retiring! Anyway, one would not think that changing a light bulb would be a big deal. My bathroom light is one of those long fluorescents over the sink. It kept taking longer and longer to come on. It got the point that we learned to do several things in the dark...hoping we didn't miss badly. Finally one night, Ian changed the capacitor for me and we discovered the light bulb itself was almost gone. Luckily I had a new soft white bulb stashed away. We changed that and voila - bright light that I had never seen in that bathroom. There was also this stupid plastic shade that wrapped around the light...it was old and dirty and broken. We saw how much it blocked out the light and tossed it in the recycle bin. Two days later it is the night before trash pickup. I put out my trash and recyclables. Now I've seen Antonio go through my recyclables before but didn't think anything about it. Sometimes he trash picks; sometimes he adds his own recyclables to my bin. Fine. Well the next morning just after Ian leaves Antonio says "I got to show you something". He then pulls my broken light shade out from behind his back. He is PO'd! I say yeah it was broken so we tossed it. He wants to know why I didn't call him to fix it. I told him we replaced the light bulb and all is well. No I have to have the stupid shade or else the light can cause a fire. A FIRE?! What have I been living with all these years if a fluorescent light can cause a fire?! I think. He says he will get a replacement and slams the door. Fine - it is his house; I just pay to live here. I tell Ian about it and he immediately feels badly because he threw out the shade. Big deal - I didn't want it. So we forget about it...until the next day when Antonio stops me again (always after Ian is gone). He is not mad at me or us. But he wants to replace the shade. Fine do what you need to do I say. He has gone to five places...names them all...cannot find a replacement. Well it was pretty old I tell him. No I put in new when you moved in...well that was over 20 years ago and he was in Italy for two years when I moved in but let him think what he wants. I tell him I like the brightness of the bulb so it is fine. I am working at home on the phone with a customers when I hear a beep for another call and let it go to voice mail. It is Anna (landlord's wife) wanting to know if Antonio can come up and look at the light. Oh sure what else do I have to do...He comes up but not alone. He has an electrician with him! Granted the whole visit only takes 10 minutes but here is the electrician in my bath checking out the light with Antonio repeatedly telling him it is notta safe. I ask the electrician if there is any chance of fire. No. Any safety issues? Just don't touch it while your hands are wet. Duh! Antonio then says you can't use when you shower...turn it on if the boy (Ian) wants to shave. If the boy wants to shave?! What about me with makeup and hair?! Oh I forgot I am just a woman...I am clueless right?! Antonio is adamant about the shade. I ignore him and tell the electrician that if there needs to be one that is fine but can it not be that ugly yellow color that blocks out the light. He promises me it will be something modern gives off more light.

Well I am still waiting for the shade to appear. I am sure it will at some point. Antonio - God bless him - continues to appear to tell me to be careful I don't start a fire. I relate this to Ian who shakes his head and says I hate to say it but my 88 year old father would be the same way. It is all about control and being in charge. He relates a similar event about light bulbs. But Ian's dad isn't Italian and speaks English. It is frustrating but not with the added elements of waving hands, gesturing, Italian words I can only imagine what they are, and posturing.

So now I am wondering what else does Antonio find in my recycle bin that he doesn't say anything to me about but may be to others...like the neighbors?!? He is a notorious nosey gossip too. Wonder what he thinks of those tequila bottles and beer cans, not to mention odd oil and ointment bottles. Geez! What happened to privacy? He also steals my Salem News every day and reads it before I do. Sometimes I find whole articles cut out! He's so tight but it's his right because he picks the paper up off the step for me?!

Rant, rant, rant...I appreciate him, God bless him....he needs a long vacation...in Italy...far away from here. Still waiting on the shade.

Peace all...venting over for now!

Feeling Alright!

2010-10-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

This will be short but it's been a long time since I posted. My father passed August 2, 2010. I had surgery September 9, 2010. Been a busy few months. But life goes on. My life has been so blessed this year...my handsome, caring guy is here beside me almost every night! How could one person ask for more? He is phenomonal man. He was with me the night I came home from the hospital, taking care of me, making sure I ate and got out of bed...and didn't overdue the Vicodin! LOL! Then as I recovered he has been with me every step of the way. The wonderful part is...he isn't going anywhere! Oh he is a hot commodity and women are looking at him. He looks back but tells everyone he is with me! He recently told an old friend hadn't seen in a while that he had met a girl and was totally in love with her. Damn! That would be me! Swoon!!!!!!! When he told me this I asked him if he really said that. He responded "yes. Wouldn't you say you are totally in love with me?" Answer = YES, Hell YES!

Sorry for the shouting but I never thought I could be this happy! This wonderful man is such an important part of my life it hard to believe. He thinks I am gorgeous, hot, and fun! I know he is! He makes me feel so wonderful.

Let me set this record straight...this isn't all about sex either. There are quite a few nights all we do is cuddle, watch movies, and fall asleep. The others are our own secret magic that no one needs to know about or would probably understand. We were meant to be together! This is fate, destiny, God's blessing...whatever you want to call it. We are so good together in every way! He hates technology...I'm steeped in it. He is so intelligent he challenges my mind every day. Who thought I would be doing Cryptoquotes?! He can solve most of them; I'm just learning.

Yes I am rambling because what else is there to say. We love one another and are in this for the long haul. Others may doubt and talk about us but they just don't know what we really have. We don't care because we do. My friends and family know...that's all that matters.

To my guy:
Thank you for loving me! I love you so much!

The Arms of a Strong Man

2010-08-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

In the past few weeks, my life has been tossed and turned upside down. I am in a wonderful relationship with a man who cares deeply for me and just wants to make me happy. My father, who was already ill, passed away suddenly. I only returned from his memorial service on Wednesday night. I can honestly say that if it were not for the support of my friends and family I would be in a lot worse shape at the moment. I can say that the old axiom - you never know who your friends are until you need them - is very true. I want to thank them all for just being there. I need to thank that wonderful man in my life for keeping me sane and focused and giving me the strength to make the trip to Louisiana and back solo. Oh he offered to go with me at least twice but we both knew this was not the time for him to make his first visit to my family.

Oh the arms of this strong, sensitive, loving man are such a blessing. He holds me tight and lets me babble on. When I get too quiet, he also asks questions; probing so I will vent and start the healing process. We ask ourselves each time we are together, how did we find each other? We have the same answer - fate, destiny! We are such a wonderful match in many, many ways. We love and support one another and hopefully will continue to do so for a long time to come. We are so lucky to have each other.

We are spending more and more time together with work and other obligations holding their places while we try to strike a balance. Every time I see him, my heart sings. Every time he leaves, I think how many hours until I see him again.

This is not all about sex either. That would be too easy. We truly enjoy one another. Sometimes we just cuddle and watch movies and fall asleep in each other's arms. There is a comfort we have with one another that neither of us expected so quickly. Again, we shake our heads, say "fate" and smile in the glow around us.

Thank you to everyone who has been with me and continues to be as the grieving process continues. Thank you especially to my guy...you know I love you.

Richard Keith Tankersley 1923-2010 - official Obituruary

2010-08-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Beloved husband of Louise Miles Baxley Tankersley. Richard Keith Tankersley was born in Auburn, NE on July 2, 1923, son of the late Raymond and Leoe Snow Tankersley. Loving father of Kathy Tankersley of Salem, MA, Carla Baxley (Kenny) Martin of Jonesboro, LA, and James Baxley II of Quitman, LA. Brother of Shirley Gilfert of Syracuse, NE, and Enid Stinson of Leavenworth, KS, sister-in-laws Betty J. Tankersley of Toledo, Ohio, Betty L. Tankersley of Carmel, Indiana, granddaughter Carrie Martin (James) Williams of Arcadia, and two grandsons: J K Martin of Jonesboro, LA and James Baxley III of Quitman, LA. Also survived by two great-grandchildren. He is preceded in death by his first wife, Cloteal Peevy Tankersley, two sons, Charles Richard and Ronald Keith Tankersley, two brothers, Raymond, Jr., and Larry Tankersley, and a sister, Doris Ruge.

Fondly known as “Tank”, he graduated from Weeping Water High School, Weeping Water, Nebraska. After high school graduation, Mr. Tankersley was employed by Glen L. Martin aircraft manufacturers in Omaha, Nebraska on the test line of B-26 and B-17 bombers. Despite a deferment, he volunteered for military service during World War II. He served in the U S Army Air Corps as a flight engineer and was attached to the 2nd, 3rd, 8th, and 10th Air Groups/Squadrons. He advanced to the rank of Tech Sergeant and was attached to a training group at Barksdale Air Force Base where he met General Charles de Gaulle while training French airmen. Barksdale Air Force Base VFW recently celebrated Tank's service to his country with an honorarium.

Before moving to Jonesboro, he held several jobs including express car train guard and Greyhound bus driver. He started work at Southern Advance Bag and Paper Company as a laborer. He furthered his education at ICS and the Institute of Science and Technology in Chicago. In 1959 he was promoted to Quality Control Supervisor with Continental Can Company and was subsequently promoted to lead color chemist and lab supervisor. He retired in 1984. Mr. Tankersley was responsible for developing the Sears “gray” and JC Penney “brown” trademark bag colors in the 1960s. He loved cars and was co-owner of the first Toyota dealership in the region.

An avid traveler, he was a member of the Wally Bayam Caravan Club International (WBCCI) for 23 years, holding all elected offices in the WBCCI Northeast Louisiana Unit, including President. He spent many years “air streaming” all over the United States including Alaska and Canada. He was devoted to church and family. From 1946-1961, he was a member of Centerpoint Methodist Church. From 1961-1999, he was a member of Jonesboro United Methodist Church 1961-1999, where he served on the Administrative Board, Chairman of Trustees for four terms, Chairman of the Building and Grounds Committee, Church Bus Committee Chairman, and held every office but Chairman of the Board. He also chaired the Renovation Program for four years. In 1999, he became a member of Fellowship Baptist Church. He was an active member of the Council on Aging (COA), where he served on the Board of Directors, and is a former Chairman of the COA. Entered Hodge Masonic Lodge 1947 and advanced to degree of Fellowcraft with a 50 year diploma.

Along with his wife, Louise, he established and ran the Jonesboro United Methodist Church Food Program for eight years. Together they also ran a clothing fund focusing on children's needs.

Funeral services will be private. Graveside services for family and friends will be held at 10:00 a.m. on Monday, August 9, 2010 at Jonesboro Cemetery. A celebration luncheon will follow at Fellowship Baptist Church.

Afterglow

2010-07-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

"This must be love, I'm feeling; This must be love" - Phil Collins

Wow how quickly things change. The "waiting" is still a factor but I have no doubts where my heart lies or where his does either. He has held me in his arms every night except two for the past week! We wonder aloud if this is too much too soon but then we remember that we're not 18 year olds. We adore one another and want to spend as much time together as possible. Even if it is just watching a movie cuddled on the couch or eating dinner by candlelight on the deck, it is all so good and so sweet. We don't have to have marathons to prove anything to one another. All we do is look into each other's eyes and we see our souls. As he says "this is destiny, this is our fate"! I agree.

Waking up to his warm body, hearing his heartbeat, and feeling the light touch of his fingers as he reaches to hold my hand. Ah, sublime! Then the hugs and kisses as we part for the day. I am tingling as I write this; we were both tingling as we kissed goodbye.

Lord please don't let this ever get old or end. We were meant for one another. We both know it. It's work but it is fun too. We each have our other worlds that have yet to be penetrated but we'll get there...slowly meeting friends of one another and maybe at some point, families. Going with the flow of happiness right now. Please let it last...forever.

Love and Peace to all!

P.S. Waiting is still the hardest part

I Want to be Sedated!

2010-07-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated - The Ramones

Yep, going nuts again...still! I think the heat is getting to me. Heat, work, my own impatience, that guy! I just want to DO something! I am no longer content to sit around here - as much as I am addicted to Facebook and the PC - I want more out of life! So what do you do? Friends for the most part have their families and events going on; I'm out here on my own (uh oh, isn't that another Whitesnake song?).

Got up this morning and it's Sunday - used to be my lazy day. Now I don't want it to be. Not that I don't have a lot of stuff I COULD do, it's just not what I WANT to do. I feel like I have woken from a long slumber and now and fully fueled, revved and ready to go - a finely honed engine with a body that's still being streamlined - LOL!

Young girls - take some advice from me! Never go into a long-term relationship with a much older man. I loved him but it was not easy and now he's dust and I'm trying to move forward. I don't care how much money they have, though it may give you pause, think about your long-term future. Do you want to be where I am - trying to enjoy the things you should have 20 years ago! NO!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to tell that the first half of our life together was pretty good, the last half was split between my career taking off and me trying to keep him from drinking himself to death. Not great memories. We had wonderful trips and he was a good guy, a fun guy...but at some point the love turned into dependence. We both should have walked but we didn't. We screamed and fought - I cried more than anything else. Everyone saw it - including the guy I'm kind of with now! Now guy still can't figure out how anyone could treat me so badly. I have no answers except I was stupid enough not to leave!

So ladies be careful! Listen to your heart, not your wallet. Material things are just that...replaceable. The love and life I missed can't be replaced - though someone may be trying to help me make up for it in their own weird way. LOL!

Sedated - yep - I'm back to the good old meds that have kept me somewhat sane for the past few years. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not an abuser but on days like today when I spent too much time alone...I need to shut down my mind and my emotions. Feel like I'm going 90 miles an hour while sitting still.

"Waiting is the hardest part" still applies!

Rambling on today, aren't I?! Go have some fun you people! I'll manage something for myself.

Peace and love to all!

Take My Breathe Away

2010-07-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

"Is this love that I'm feeling?Is this the love that I've been searching for?" - Whitesnake
I guess I'm learning to always expect the unexpected. Now for someone who has had a fairly orderly life for the past umpteen years, this blows my mind a bit. Not that I don't like it - I love it, but it does present its challenges. I'm trying to figure out how this person thinks...good luck, some of you will say!
Spur of the moment - sitting on the deck talking about ourselves, getting to know one another still; holding hands while watching TV. Suddenly it's 2:30 and we are both supposed to be up at 5:30! Yikes!
Sweet passion that finally does take our breathe away...5:30 becomes 8:30. Sweetness he says as he kisses me goodbye.

No go re-read "Waiting is the hardest part"!

Waiting is the hardest part

2010-07-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Yep - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers starting off this Fourth of July! It is the hardest part of many things in life. Waiting for a plane, for the work day to end, for sleep to come, or for the next event in a relationship. OK so you knew where I was going with this. This is a rollercoaster ride. Just had the most amazing week with that that special guy. Went on an impromptu dinner date on Tuesday that was so sweet, intimate, and reassuring that we can be alone and enjoy one another in conversation, etc. Then Thursday was another surprise. We kind of expected to meet up but not sure (am I ever?). Then we have the most awesome night. Sitting on my deck watching the stars and Venus with a cool breeze blowing. Staying up to almost sunrise! Oh, my, my! Friday again - sitting on the deck, both falling asleep watching a movie. So sweet and loving.

So what is my problem? I always like a challenge and yes this is one for sure! A free spirit that I don't want to tame but would like to able to communicate with a little easier. Doesn't do phones unless he has to; same with computers - likes face to face. Doesn't like being pigeonholed, not a planner except for work. Whew - I love it but it drives me nuts. So waiting IS the hardest part. I know he cares; I know there is no one else he is interested in; I trust him. He's starting to talk about "us" and about me to others. But for a girl who is totally plugged in and connected this is a daunting task! Self-confidence where are you?! The stakes are high, putting friendship on the line for romance and love.

In the meantime what do I do with myself? Go out and have fun, see my friends at the pub, life goes on. But do you remember the dog in "Up". Ever once in a while this very intelligent talking dog would revert back to basic instinct at the sound of "squirrel"? Hey I'm doing that...no one has to say the name but I hear it in my head and there my mind goes..."chasing wabbits" as he would say. He's my wabbit! LOL!

Time for some more G'n'R Z "Patience". Happy Fourth of July everyone!

It's a new dawn

2010-06-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

It's a new day, it's a new life and I'm feeling good" - so the lyric goes.

Last night I took off my wedding band for good. I've been wearing it on my right hand for the past year. It's pretty but it represents the past. When that special person told me last night that he had known we were meant to be since we met five years ago - when we talked for the first time and he gave me money to play the jukebox - I kissed him and took it off and tucked it away in my jewelry box. We have a long way to go in this new relationship but we're going to make it work. We both have our baggage but we both have known from that day that there was something special between us. Now we're exploring and discovering. So as I sit here dreaming of him (and it's only been four hours since we parted), I know I am totally smitten and loving him. Falling....in love.

My theme song is still "Patience". Now I need another nap! LOL!

Peace and love to all.

Patience and Reflection

2010-06-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

Well Patience is one of my favorite Guns 'n' Roses songs and there are so many songs about "reflections" I couldn't pick one if I had to so this is my mood right now. It's Father's Day - I love you Dad. Today is very emotional for me. My dad is still alive and aware but he may never see his home again. After a series of health issues that started with a broken leg and ended up with a pacemaker, he has completed his allotted number of days in rehab. Unfortunately at almost 87 he is not bouncing back like he did two years ago when he had his hip replacement or even almost four years ago when he had a pulmonary embolism that almost took him. So he is transitioning into a nursing home environment. I'm not even going to kid about calling "assisted living", he needs so much assistance round the clock that he can't come home. Now I live 2,000 miles away but we have always been very close - I'm the only surviving child; have been the only child for my entire life - never knew my two brothers. So today I am sad. I send him a beautiful card and the razor he wanted. My wonderful stepmom takes him my cards, packages, and messages and makes sure he knows how much I love him. But I can't talk to him. No cell phones allowed and when they do try to sneak one in he can't hear me because he doesn't like to wear his hearing aid. Frustration there! I have a special friend who is taking his dad out to brunch today and that makes me smile. I hope it's a wonderful day...I'm also a tad jealous because I would like to do that too.
This is life - the hand we are dealt; I am normally very strong and roll with the punches. For some reason today is very tough. I'll go out later and seek the solace of friends and a few drinks. Maybe see someone special.
Patience I need for all parts of my life but especially in my blooming relationship. We want this to be a good thing - maybe a long-term thing, not to rush too much. But we both want some things so badly. I have to take a deep breath and step back and be so happy just for the conversations, the kisses, the small touches that mean so much, the whispers of endearment.
Now if my phone would just stop pocket dialing his number! LOL! Seriously - I called it on purpose (I have permission) then you know these stupid phones - hit the wrong button it repeats the last process. I think I'm a nut case already - I don't need any help from the Droid!

Enjoy your day - I'll survive and be much better later on today. Thanks for reading.

Peace and love to all!

Sunday Soundtrack

2010-06-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

Starting out with something very mellow - Snow Patrol and Ray Montagne. Though Snow Patrol makes me think of U2, which will be on tap for later today while I'm out at the pub. Almost did some Ramsey Lewis but I'm holding that for when/if someone special ever comes over. It's wine and candlelight type of jazz. Woke up thinking of steamy southern nights of my childhood and singing "Summertime".
After two weeks of nothing had two nights in a row with that guy! Nothing as steamy physically though we both talked about those encounters and how great they were. Hoping to see a sighting of him tonight. He is an enigma. I know just enough to know I want more! Maybe that is his game - his MO. I have to learn to be patient. Hence the mellow soundtrack this morning, which I hope heats up as the day progresses.
Tomorrow I'm off with my bestest friend for some shopping and sampling over next door in Marblehead. Supposed to be a beautiful day and we're both off from work. She is the best! It truly was fate that brought us together - it is hard to believe I've only known her a year! It is one of those relationships where we don't compete, we're like long, lost sisters.
Now about that guy...Dream..dream, dream, dream... (with a bit of "Say a Little Prayer for Me")!
Peace and love to all!

Soundtrack of My Life

2010-05-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you are in a movie or even TV show? Like there is music playing around you? I swear I have a soundtrack that follows my life! Today's it has been Abba (what?) "Take a Chance on Me". Most days it is a combination of things reflecting what I am doing or thinking. "You Don't Know Me" has been playing a lot lately! I'm the type of person who can rarely get into a vehicle without turning on the radio or putting on a CD. Songs are so sensory! They bring back memories - smells, places, people. They also make new memories! People say words and music or lyrics pop into my head. This may sound annoying but I love it! I think I must have been born with music. I am not accomplished at anything, though I tinker at piano and used to be very good at clarinet. Singing and dancing are my best talents when it comes to music.

So now as I am focusing on moving forward with my life, maybe finding love again, venting about things in the that I kept buried, I am going to listen to that music in my head and see what it's telling me. Maybe that is my guiding spirit, those songs are popping up for a reason. Or could be I'm just freaking nuts! Nah...that's too easy. Everyone, including my Wii Fit unit, knows I'm a little off balance sometimes!

So maybe you'll see a new theme running through these musings - song titles, lyrics, etc. I've done it some in the past...now I'm trying to be very positive and focus on good things! So get ready for some insight into the soundtrack of my life. Maybe it'll give me some insight too! Lord knows I need it.

Love and Peace or Else - U2

Anticipation

2010-05-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

may be getting the best of me. Either that or my thyroid medication is all messed up. It is quite possibly a combination of both. I've had the follow-up kisses and words of endearment. I understand we each have our separate lives that we are just giving each other a peek into at this stage of the game. So now I am hoping to see him tonight - unencumbered by his buddies this time. Yes, real life stepped into my fairytale last weekend but that's just fine. He was straight up about it - out with friends and been partying most of the afternoon. It made me take a step back and take a look at this...this thing. I have to give it time and it has to be a mutual decision when we take this a step farther. I will readily admit to fantasies of many kinds running through my head. So I have to temper myself from wanting to "jump" this guy (as my niece would say) by having some restraint and making sure that if/when that happens, it is right for both of us.

There is a lot we don't know about one another yet. But when we talk, we talk a lot so I think we're learning. I'm getting those butterflies again about going out on a Friday night in anticipation of just seeing him. That has to mean something! So if anyone reads this, say a little prayer that this is the real deal and that I will find guidance along the way.

Now the clock is ticking louder as the waking hour nears...time to start thinking about outfit, perfume, etc. All for a possibility...but I think that's okay.

Peace everyone!

Butterflies

2010-04-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

are beautiful but I have them in my tummy and in my heart! Kisses are so wonderful and so scary. Someone to laugh with, to share things with, maybe someone to love...just don't know yet. The tentative tilt of the head, the warm, soft touch, the total immersion in showing such affection. The eager, lusty follow-ups. Then not wanting to let go. Oh my my! Do women swoon anymore?! Knowing the feeling is mutual is wonderful, exhilarating, and so scary. How will you react the next time we see one another? How will I? I may need more Xanax! LOL! Now the waiting game...when will it happen again? Soon I hope. As we parted, we each said "to be continued". So will this dear reader.

Peace and love to all!

Baby Steps - Part II

2010-03-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

Still working on this. We talk, we chat, we flirt. Sometimes with other people. Sometimes just the two of us. It's a slow dance is how I describe it to my friends. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we run into one another once or twice a week; sometimes not at all. It's a wave or it's a long chat with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes he just leaves.

But you know - it's all good! I've decided I am worthy of another relationship. I loved my late husband but we did not always have a healthy relationship. Now it's my turn to have a little control.

Hugs and kisses on the cheek even the "love ya" was a thrill! Others are noticing there is a spark!

I feel good about going out. I put some effort into it - not just throwing on jeans and a shirt; but putting on some makeup, paying attention to my hair and trying to look nice!

It takes time, it takes two...

Slow dancing, swaying to the music...

Wicked Weather - Life in New England

2010-03-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

DC gets pounded with not inches but feet of snow! We get bitter cold followed by a series of Nor'easters that pound us with driving sleet and rain and up to hurricane force winds! This is not your typical winter! I'm a hearty person despite being raised in Louisiana where the heat and humidity now makes me want to wilt. I loved the bitter cold because it was steady for about a month, a little snow, but just plain cold. Bought myself some Uggs and used them every single day for over two months - definitely paid for the investment! Now that spring is trying to come (Saturday), we are getting these storms ripping up the coast and literally tearing us up! Windows pound all night long. Wind howls and at moments the house looks like it is literally breathing. Now that reminds me of riding out hurricanes down in Louisiana; but this is winter in Massachusetts!

Pieces of my back porch have been ripped off and blown away. I may find them in better weather or not. My poor flag hasn't been flown since before Christmas. My windsock wrapped itself around the cow windchime and strangled it. But the scariest part is seeing bricks fly off the top of my porch storage bin. Yes bricks! I had three bricks on top of the tarp over the storage bin. They all were blown off and then the tarp and one half of of the top of the storage bin. Now this is all on a covered back porch on the second floor.

Something wicked this way comes - whether it is climate change or apocalypse I don't know but this certainly isn't normal! It's exciting but also annoying at the same time. The trains are running behind schedule or even cancelled, roads are flooded and schools cancelled. At least we didn't lose power this time...yet. So it really is a love/hate relationship with the weather. It fascinates me but has its inconveniences.

Oh the forecast for later in the week...sunny and warmy. Yeah, wait a minute it will change!

Peace!

How Bout Dem Saints!

2010-02-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

Who Dat?! Dat Who! It all came true last Sunday night! What an absolutely great football game. I would have been perfectly happy with a well played game - meaning no blowout by Indy! But who would have imagined at 31-17 win by the Saints!

The days of paper sacks and going to the game just for the sake of a party that might happen to be around a football game are gone. That was my experience back in the '80s when we had season tickets. I am still ecstatic with the win! So proud of my hometown team!

Now I'm wondering what will I ever do if the Saints and Patriots meet in a playoff or Super Bowl! We know the Patriots lost to the Saints this season but it was just a regular season game, though I took a lot of ribbing from my friends and familia down in Louisiana. Oh my - I guess I'd be happy no matter who won. At least I have a few months to recover from all this excitement before the next NFL season begins!

I think the Saints know that most of the nation was cheering them on! Patriot Nation was Who Dat Nation on Sunday night for sure.

Thank you Saints! Thanks to my great friends, Lisa and Michelle, for sharing the experience and "raising the bar" at Sidelines!

Some Men Should Have Electronic Collars...

2010-02-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

or women should have better radar! I know I'm kind of new at this whole going out and meeting people stuff as a single woman. For those few of you who read this, you know I've had feelings reawakening and though I am not out stalking anyone (though there is this one guy.... no!), I'm more open to meeting people - guys in particular. This is my coming out of grief, denial, and hibernation of the last three years. But I swear guys can be the most contrary people! And they complain about us women - ha! Why is it the nice guys are the ones that don't make contact? I should say the nice, available guys. I think this is why women go out in packs (two or more) so we can protect one another from the creeps, the droolers, the drunks, the "hey baby I'm so good for you" types! Now I'm not talking about every guy out there but for some reason there appears to be a proliferation of these types lately and they don't know when to leave you alone or just plain leave!

I go out by myself sometimes. If I'm lucky I'll see that really cute guy I'm crushing on and we'll talk. If not, then I still usually have a good time. Usually! Sometimes I just give up and go the heck home. I don't want to be pawed, slobbered over, or fed drinks (one is nice, two is questionable). I want to meet a nice guy and talk and get to know him. There are guys who want to skip this whole bit! They think we are going to look at them, listen to their line, and follow them home like a puppy. Well you know what you can do with that!

Sometimes it even happens with those you know a little and think you are safe with. My gosh! One minute you're talking about football or whatever and the next thing you know he's putting the moves on you - literally and figuratively. I know a lot of it is alcohol-infused - heck, I've been there and done that (but not recently). So I try to give a guy a bit of a break if that is the situation. But enough is enough. Don't get touchy-feely unless we invite it, which we usually won't. You see, women try to be nice. We don't like to create scenes. We will smile and be gritting our teeth at the same time we're thinking "wtf?". We don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. But some guys think that is tacit consent to proceed down another path. Wrong!

We usually have pretty good radar but sometimes it goes on the fritz. I remember one night a couple of months ago a friend and I met for drinks at our local pub. It was before Christmas and there was a group of guys there having drinks before they went to a "private party". One of them took a shine to my friend. He offered to buy both of us a drink. We both figured OK he's offering to buy for both of us so it's a nice holiday gesture. The seat next to my friend opened up and he slid in there so fast you swear he left skid marks! He bought more drinks and talked and moved closer and closer. She didn't want to make a scene or be violent. She ignored him, talked to me, talked to anyone but him. Still he starts draping himself over her chair and over her. No matter what we said, he would not leave her alone. It got so bad I was getting ready to be rude and abnoxious when thankfully he had to leave for his "private party". He left her his phone number and while she escaped to get some fresh air he came back in and told me to please tell her he "would make her so happy and be so good for her". He knew this after one hour of loud, bar conversation. Amazing!

Now that dude needed one of those electronic dog collars that has a remote where you can just zap them and say "down boy!". Or maybe we should just carry tazers!

I've had two experiences lately with guys I know. One is like my brother and I see quite often. Yes he was drunk but after knowing him for many years he suddenly pulls me onto the dance floor (who knew he could dance?) for a slow dance. Then it gets kissy and touchy. I'm laughing but he is dead serious. I will never hold it against him since he is such a good friend but I think I'll stay a couple drinks behind him and keep my guard up. We're friends and will never be anything more. The other was another bar encounter with an acquaintance. I refuse to give up goig to my local pub and enjoying a drink or two with friends!

Oh sweet mystery of life - what the heck do we do? The good ones don't always show up, don't always talk when they do but the others are always there! Please don't get me wrong I love the company of a good man. Where is he?

Tongue in cheek this is sort of - maybe. This is another of my baby steps!

Peace and maybe love?

Annual Christmas Missive

2009-12-29T10:35:00.000-08:00

19 trips... 20 States... 48 flights... 1 US Territory... 4 Countries... 4 rock concerts

Holiday Greetings to you and yours! You can see how I've spent my 2009 - on the road. Most of this was for work but I squeezed in some personal travel and activities, though it is such a blur. I hope this finds you welcoming the Holiday season with health and happiness. I am doing fairly well. I am healthy - despite a couple of tough bouts with colds and sinus infections lately. I am blessed with a job that I truly love and it's a good thing or I would be pretty miserable with all that travel!

It has been over three years since Charlie passed and I have found that I will survive. I will always miss him and love him but I realized I need to make time for my life now. That said, I have yet to do much of that. I have also found how difficult and scary it is as an adult to make friends and look for possibilities. When did I grow up? Gosh those 30 years went by so fast! But I am determined not to feel sorry for myself and to enjoy life again as myself. I believe the past three years have been mourning and trying to discover who I am as Kathy, not as defined by Charlie and Kathy. I'm not quite the same, both good and bad, but I kind of like myself, which is a good thing! He would want that for sure.

My personal travel this year included reconnecting with old friends in Florida. I spent a week sharing some beach time with friends from OH and seeing friends from Salem who have left winter behind forever. In May a girlfriend and I took a trip to St. Kitts down in the West Indies. Beautiful island - I think we explored every nook and cranny and she enjoyed lots of beach time. My skin turns red in about 15 minutes so not too much sun for me! I spent a weekend in Chicago by exploring the city and seeing U2 in concert the first two nights of their US tour. Don't you know I was in heaven - listening to my wild Irish rockers and dancing all night long! I'm off to Toronto in July to see them again! Maybe I'm a little obsessed? Nah!

In September another girlfriend and I met in London and proceeded to tour England, Scotland, and Wales. Wonderful trip but not enough time to see everything! The last day in London was an exhilarating mad dash to see whatever we could before heading back the next day. I'm going back for sure.

I also made two visits to my parents in Louisiana. My Dad continues to enjoy life despite his health challenges and my Stepmom continues to be such a wonderful wife to him and friend to me. Dear friends and relatives are encountering health issues and I ask for their renewal and healing. I think this is called life, which sometimes lacks gravity but also can be so beautiful and full of wonder. Enjoy every single moment!

Nothing much exciting except some of the travel - whoever thought I would end up in Puerto Rico?! My healing and growth as a single person continues and I realize it has its own pace. I'm getting out and about and trying not to cocoon myself at home. It's an interesting ride.

Baby Steps?

2009-12-14T16:33:00.000-08:00

Okay so I formed a little plot with a couple of friends. Find out when the guy comes in to the place where I always see him, find out what they know about him, and make contact again. I went as far as to give my phone # and address to one of them to give to him. She offered to text me when he showed up. She texted but not to my phone! LOL! I found out he is always in on Fridays - my usual night.

Friday night I showed up and found out he had my card with my info. Now I'm really scared - what do I do if/when I seen him?! I sipped margaritas slowly for an hour or so. All the sudden the owner (one of my conspirators) comes down says "he just walked in the door". Sure enough. Looking good too. I was so nervous but knew he didn't see me from where he was standing. So I decided to say hello. It was a long walk around the bar but he saw me and smiled. I apologized for being half in the bag when I saw him the last week. He said I was fine. We talked about how really glad we were to see one another again after two years. Then I owned up to setting up the card thing. He said he still had it and was really flattered. I apologized for being so forward - not me at all. Told him I wanted to be friends and have fun. He said something about he just recently became very alone and he understands how it is. I asked him to join me for a drink if he felt like it.

Many minutes (it seemed like forever), I'm no longer paying attention and he sneaks up behind me. Scares me! We start chatting and he starts telling me pretty much his story - divorced, two kids, etc. He mentioned a girlfriend, which he quickly corrected to "girl friend" also named Kathy. (I need to clarify that one.) I let it slide - he can tell me what he wants.

It was nice. We talked about how live changes and you have to deal whether you like it or not. We discussed music, sports, etc. Then he asks where would I like to go on a date. Date? Duh? I'm blank. I shrug. Is there a movie I want to see? Then he jokes about movies being boring dates (unless you sneak in beer). We chat then instead of doing his disappearing act, he tells me he has to leave and wants to walk me out.

My point is we had a wonderful conversation. We will be friends and if that's all then that's fine. I feel a little more at ease about it (not freaking out about it as badly). He walked me to my car and we said goodnight. He says he will call. We'll see. He's a nice guy. I'm lucky to know him. Now I have to not freak every time we're both there. We both hang out there - that's how we met- neutral territory. But we spent two hours chatting and both had a good time. Hopefully we wil again...soon.

It's a baby step.

Life is Scary Sometimes

2009-12-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not talking scary because of violence or crime, I'm talking about just general survival. My skills are so rusty! I'm really bad a meeting new people at the friendship, potential relationship level. For years that was automatic because Charlie was the gregarious type - loud, funny, Irishman. I guess I road his coattails a little. Now I find myself looking for these friendships and am coming up at a loss at times. I've met a couple of women close to my age that may be fun to pal around with but the guy thing is really, really hard.

There is this guy I've known as a "bar" acquaintance for years. He, Charlie and I used to always have these great debates and conversations when we saw one another. He talked to me a lot more than Charlie and we both love the same music. About a year after Charlie passed I saw him for the first time since. He was desperately trying to quit smoking. We talked for a while and then he had to leave - the temptation to smoke was too great (even thought you can't smoke in a bar in Mass, there are smokers lurking outside). As he left, he looked at me and said "I hope to God you're here when I come back. I really really do." Sigh...

Friday night I'm at the bar, yakking with a girlfriend, when she tells me he is across the bar desperately trying to get my attention. I looked, almost didn't recognize him, then waved. He was close to the jukebox so I went and played some U2. He came up and said something about how I always play the best music. I responded stupidly I'm sure (too many beers maybe) but he came over to talk to me. He keep trying to convince me it was really him with a little extra weight because he actually did quit smoking. I'm just smiling and staring. I finally saide I know you look good. Then we chatted a bit - the place is huge and loud - makes it difficult. My girlfriend decided to give us some space and leave. Well in the midst of telling her goodbye, he disappears. I hung around for a bit and he must have just left (he's always done this quit disappearnce thing). But he seemed so happy to see me. I was thrilled to see him but can't piece together the bits of the inane conversation we had.

Here's the scary bit - I am realizing that I could maybe like this guy. I can't quit thinking about it. I'm obsessing (why else am I writing this!) and that's not good. I don't know who to find him except to get up the nerve to go back to the bar and pray he is there. He's great fun, good-looking, and lord help me - Irish.

The whole potential is a bit overwhelming. Even if nothing comes of this except his friendship, I am rediscovering feelings that I didn't know I could have again. That anticipation, anxiety, excitement that there may be someone out there. Now I'm sitting here crying. I even took a chill pill. It's been over 3 years and I've been so alone. When I saw him two years ago I was definitely not ready for anything - I was still grieving and trying to survive. I'm in a much better place now. But this really is driving me loopy.

I was so shy, so scared of people when I was in high school that I had a very small circle of friends. Lots of people thought I was stuck up. Nope - scared! Why? Tons of reasons - none that make sense. When I got to LSU and then to New Orleans, I gained confidence in myself. Now it's like starting over again. I am not that sexy little 20-something with the sassy attitude down in NOLA. I have great self-confidence when it comes to work and I can carry on a conversation with most people. Now I'm that 50-something that looks pretty good but has very little confidence in meeting people, or getting to know people better. I'm back in that shell and I need to break out.

So life is hard and sometimes very scary. Maybe this is some type of epiphany for me that it's OK to think of other guys and to think of having another relationship.

So here I go again...maybe...baby steps!

I Swear I thought turkeys could fly!

2009-11-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! Now does anyone remember where the title quote came from? A hilarious Thanksgiving edition of WKRP in Cincinnatti! It still makes me laugh! Just imagine turkeys dive bombing from a helicopter! Well I'm shortly going to give in to the turkey sleeping disorder so I thought I'd at least post something about Thanksgiving.

We are very lucky to have this Holiday - only the US and Canada do! So even though I am spending today by myself, I know I'm not truly alone. There is so much to be thankful for. A FB friend posted each day of November what she was thankful for. I like that. We should do it every day of the year. I'm thankful for my friends and family, for health (despite my current sinus infection I am overall healthy), for living in this beautifl part of the country, for having a job that I really love, for an income that allows me to enjoy the things I enjoy most in life - travel, reading, movies, good music (U2!), and many others. Most of all I am thankful for my friends and family. This is a small group and they are scattered around the world but they are so dear to me. Without them I would have become a lost soul many times over the years.

I was going to write something grandiose but have decided to keep it simple. What with the prescription meds, the turkey, and that one glass of wine, nap time is coming any minute now.

To all my friends and family - I love you. I am so blessed to have you.

Happy Thanksgiving all! (Next - the Christmas list!)

The Lion Sleeps

2009-08-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

We are saying goodbye to Senator Edward M. Kennedy, scion on the Kennedy clan, Lion of the Senate, good Irishman. He was my Senator but much more than that. He was a Kennedy - but much more than that. He was man who had his trials and tribulations. He was a man who put other things and most importantly others before himself. He has made such an impact on this country having been not only a politician but a master craftsman of policy that has changed this country for the better in so many ways. I won't go into all that he has done, the news and historians are doing a much better job than that. I am brought to tears whenever I see news about his passing on TV or read about it on the web. I was shocked Wednesday morning when I turned on the early early edition of CBS Boston and heard he had passed in the night. I cried before I left for work.
He was a man who could have never worked a day in his life but he chose to serve his country. He served it tirelessly, working up until the day he passed. He never took a salary for his job. I had the privilege of meeting him a few times. For a while I seemed to be boarding the same flight from DC to Boston as he and his wife about every other week. (She's from Louisiana too you now.) He was very approachable, outgoing, and chatted easily with everyone. He always sat in coach with the rest of us, usually chatting with his wife and other seatmates while glancing at a magazine or newspaper. I remember a young father introducing his son to him after we landed at the Boston airport. He shook the little boy's hand and asked him all about himself - age, grade, school, sports. He then told him to be a good boy, listen to his father, and keep cheering on the Red Sox. The father beamed with pride as Sen. Kennedy went to pick up his luggage. There was also a flight when he was coming home for an extended time and waited anxiously for their two Portuguese water dogs to be brought to them in their crates. When they arrived, he quickly unlatched them, gave them each a quick series of pets, then led them outside for a quick potty stop. How humanizing to see him taking his dogs to do their business!
Teddy, as I fondly thought of him, was a great man. He will be greatly missed by so many. He leaves behind a heck of a legacy. I will miss his efforts for Massachusetts and this country. I think next time I fly the US Airways Shuttle from DC to Boston I'll be thinking of him.
He's in good company now. I thought of my Charlie up in heaven looking up to see Teddy walking by and saying "You too huh? Have a pint on me!" One great Irishman to another.
May God Bless. My sympathies and prayers are with his family.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

2009-08-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

or is it really the "dog days" of summer. I swear if people don't believe we're experiencing climate change, they need to come to New England! We had nothing but rain and really cool (60s) temperatures up until the last few weeks - June and July were both mostly a washout. It's crazy! Now it's hot and humid. The kind of weather that makes you just want to sit and sip something cool until it's time to go to sleep. Unfortunately that does not pay the bills or get anything constructive done. Though why I worry abut the latter, I sometimes wonder.
Went to see the Red Sox with friends the last Saturday in July - had a blast! See Daily Dose of Diva for her posting and pictures! Thanks so much for coming guys!
Unfortunately after that event and the next day in Salem, I totally devolved into being a summer slug. If I could work at home every day of this HHH weather I would. Actually I could but the air conditioning in the office is much better than my two window units supplemented by a couple of fans. So the chill of air conditioning spurs me to the train every morning so I can keep cool.
So how the heck did this southern girl - from really HHH Louisiana - become such a hot weather hater. I think that something peculiar happens when you cross that imaginary line between north and south and your blood thickens up for the cold. Which is what we need to survive our winters BUT doesn't help in the summer. There's nothing more miserable to me than sitting outside (or in an unair-conditioned house) without a breeze stirring and feeling the perspiration run down your body. And you know us women have a few more cracks and crevices for that to flow through than guys, plus we can't take our shirts off (in public anyway).
How did I survive my formative years in the south?!? I remember huge attic fans with all the windows open that pulled the air through. These were replaced by huge 20gazillion BTU window units that made it feel like meat locker (when they worked). Finally somewhere along the way central AC was invented. Thank you! But you know growing up with that heat, you almost get used to it. You know you are going to move form an AC house to an AC car to an AC office to the AC bar and back to the AC house. You also dress appropriately - no stockings, no slips - sleeveless tops and dresses with short skirts.
So this is my summer heat lament. One good thing is it kills the appetite. I eat a lot of salad anyway but in the summer I become almost a rabbit (with a few cold beverages of course). So now I am off to make a salad and pour some tea (no additives tonight, tomorrow is work). Enjoy the summer while it's here and keep cool.
Chill!

Pops Goes the Fourth - No One Does it Better!

2009-07-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day! Our nation's birthday is celebrated in so many ways - small and large, privately and publicly. Even in this recession economy most of the cities and towns in this area are still having parades and fireworks. Salem's show will go on with a concert on Salem Green followed by a parade and fireworks over the harbor. I may or may not walk down to watch the show. I can see most of the fireworks from my back porch. But I will be glued to he television set for the best of the best - the Boston Pops!

The real celebratory show is down the road in Boston. The Boston Pops have been celebrating the Fourth of July with a concert at the Hatch Shell on the Esplanade for many years - long before I actually knew what the Shell and the Esplanade even were. Families come prepared for rain or shine and camp out for the day. The Pops play a beautiful 2-3 hour program of music that builds toward its crescendo of he 1812 Overture and the Stars and Stripes Forever with the cannon fire and he bells ringing. It is inpiring, chokes me up every single time! Then the fireworks over the Charles River/Boston Harbor begin. It is one heck of a show! Families are decked out in red, white, and blue and have no inhibitions dancing (can-cans) on national TV. I adore it!

I remember first discovering this when I was living in New Orleans. New Orleans back then had little to no organized celebration. I remember once there were fireworks planned on the Lakefront but were so short we missed them. Anyway, back in the day we always had a big party for anyone looking for a place to have some good grilled food and a cold brew. It was such fun. My parents even came down a couple of times to join us. But after the food and booze we always found ourselves parked in front of the television watching the Boston show to end our evening.

I invite you to join the rest of the world watching this class act tonight. Neil Diamond is the celebrity guest. They've been trying to get him for years. What better place for him to sing "Coming to America" or "Sweet Caroline" than Boston! After yesterday's soundcheck he wondered if the crowd would get into "Sweet Caroline". Well for those of you who don't know, this is one of the Red Sox songs! Every 8th inning at Fenway, we sing our version of "Sweet Caroline". Oh the words are still the same, we just add a few sound effects and extra words but everyone knows it! Such fun!

Wishing everyone a safe and happy Fourth. Peace!

It's become a blur!

2009-06-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

My gosh - I know I wanted to stay busy but I'm thinking things are getting out of control! How is it that I went on vacation to St. Kitts less than two weeks ago and now it feels like it was a year ago. Not fair! I didn't get to savor that after vacation lull where you sit back and rerun it in your head. My 100+ pictures are still on the memory card in my camera. I have almost stopped peeling from my sunburn (even with SPF 50 I burned). I've already made a business trip and been to a Red Sox game. Busy was good but not blurry! Life is rushing past too quickly these days. Okay I know I can't have my cake and eat it too. At this point I have a few days before I make a quick trip to Nashville (overnighter) for business then I get to relax (I pray!) for a couple of weeks before I'm off on another trip.

Oh well guess I'd just better follow my friend's advice of "quit bitching" and enjoy what does come around. At least I'm not sitting at home with nothing to do and complaining about that! I don't think that will ever be me (note to self - remember this when retirement rolls around).

Spring was almost summer here in New England but has quickly come back almost to winter with chilling rain and gray skies. But we know that we will have some beautiful sunny weekends with sea breezes coming up soon. Maybe that's when I'll be able to refocus on those sunny beach days with the trade winds blowing.

I wish you well! Peace!

Spinning My Wheels or Having Fun

2009-04-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I wrote anything. I've been very busy, hence the title. Work is always busy but the Recovery Act funds is making it especially crazy! We have a lot of money to push out to worthy (yes we vet them) systems projects. All this takes up a lot of time on top of our regular projects. I'll survive but I tell you the hours and days are flying by! But I can assure you that the ARRA funds going through my agency are being put to excellent use helping Americans who need food assistance. Rest assure there is no pork to be found here unless the recipient buys it with our funds.
Been trying to plan things to keep my promise to get out and about. Concerts and baseball are high on my list. I have four sets of concert tickets in hand. Next week I'm off to the Garden to see Springsteen and the E Street Band. They put on an awesome show. They were so good at Gillette last summer, I jumped right on a ticket at the Garden - a smaller venue but not intimate by any means. Then there's Jimmy Buffet down at Comcast Center (formerly Great Woods) in June. I'm not a Parrothead but I love his music.
But the biggest coup was getting pre-public sale tickets to U2! Unfortunately I will not be in the country when they play Gillette but I had to see them. I have never ever seen them in concert and they are my favorite band ever! So, I got tickets to both shows in Chicago. There is so much in Chi-town I have not seen yet I figured I'd spend a September weekend sightseeing and going to both shows. That had better sate my U2 appetite until next year! I love their new album - No Line on the Horizon! Unknown Caller, Magnificent, etc. are great songs! I was so happy when I purchased that first concert ticket in Chicago I did a little dance - in my cubicle at work! Then they added the 2nd show and I was chomping at the bit! Cheers to you U2 - see you in September.
Ah - travel. Just got back from a short vacation in Florida. Only had about three beach days (and let's face it I don't tan, I burn) but it was fun. Joined some dear friends from Ohio who were there and visited from expats from Salem who have retired to the area. Good friends - good times. Now work travel is calling again - Kentucky for two nights last week of the month then a week in DC in mid-May. I do have another short vacation planned for Memorial Day week. A girlfriend and I are going to St Kitts in the Carribean! It's a small island east of Puerto Rico that sounds gorgeous. We're going for four days of sun, sand, and total relaxation. A few cute beach guys would be nice too!
But will work give me a rest? No. I come back from St. Kitts on a Friday, getting into Boston early Saturday a.m. On Sunday I fly to Salt Lake City for a couple days then straight to Santa Fe for the rest of the week. Sometime later in June I have to go to Kentucky. July is either San Francisco or Boise. (I know - Boise?) Late August is Chicago for work followed by my U2 weekend. Then four days after U2 another girlfriend and I are going to Europe! We're doing a 12 tour of England and Scotland.
I am so excited but getting dizzy thinking of all this. I said I wanted to get out and about this year. Well, I'm certainly doing that! There even more travel in the last three months of the year and I need to visit my parents again sometime.
But you know what? It beats sitting home. No one going to come and drag me out (well a couple of friends do occasionally when they can find me at home), so I'm getting out. I just hope I can keep pace with the pace I'm setting for myself!
Hey we only go around once in this life, so I'm determined to enjoy it. So far - I think I'm begining to have fun again! That's a very good thing for me. I need it. Now if I could just figure out the "making friends as an adult" thing, I'd be set. But that's a whole different subject.
Peace!

Time Flies - Trying to Catch Up

2009-03-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe how long it has been since I wrote anything here! This was part of my New Year's resolution and I'm not keeping it up as well as I should. Lots of reasons why not - work is crazy - non-stop madness, I am becoming addicted to Facebook, I have been so excited about the new U2 album and tour, and busy traveling. The purpose of my blogging was not to make it another task or job, but to be able to vent and enjoy this outlet.
So what's new? Not much - I was away for two weeks in February (first week for work, second week to visit my family) and am going away for work again next week. I've bought tickets to two concerts (Springsteen and Buffet) and to two Red Sox games. I've been stressing over finding a new bathing suit for Florida and St. Kitts. Something that will make my tummy and butt look no so big. I think the most exciting thing I've done is visit my family.
That was an interesting visit. I drove down from Little Rock to my hometown in Louisiana - about a 4 1/2 hour drive. Very depressing scenery until I hit Louisiana where you get rolling hills and pine trees. I swear Arkansas looked like a war zone in areas, definitely very depressed. I wonder how the heck they ever came up with that "Land of Opportunity" slogan!
My dad and stepmom are doing well all things considered. Dad was doing really while I visited though he does go to bed really early - like 7:30! I know he's tired (his heart only has 20% working capacity) but that left me with not too much to do other than update their PC and try to get on the internet with their dial-up connection. What a pain! I don't know how I never survived without a hi-speed connection. Of course, they don't use their PC the same way I do.
I had made contact with some friends letting them know I would be in town. This led to a really interesting experience. It was Valentine's Day and four of us got together to go out for dinner then hit the action in Jackson Parish. We drove to another town that had a Chili's for dinner (whoo-hoo) then back towards my hometown to check out the two clubs (bars) where you can actually hear music and get an alcoholic drink (why didn't my parents live closer to New Orleans - my old stomping grounds?). Despite my anxiety, this turned out to be a pretty fun night. The clubs were both dives and filled with smoke (still smoking 'em everywhere down there) but the people were hilarious. Our first stop was Rob's - I think it was a converted convenience store. It is actually owned by some folks I went to school with. They had pool tables, a bar, and karaoke - even free crawfish (yum!). We go in and I don't recognize a soul. No problem. We get drinks and sit at a table, listening to the performers (LOL). I see a guy at the bar who looks a little familiar. He keeps looking at me - I keep looking at him. We kept up this little "don't let him/her see me looking" dance for a while. I finally squinted through smoke and recognized him. He was my stepmother's brother. Technically I guess that makes him my uncle but I just know him as Bubba (yeah, I know). So I wandered up to him and said "how's it going?" He looks at me again and I started laughing! Then I told him who I was - let him off the hook. Yes, my hair is longer and I've lost 55 lbs - maybe he wasn't sure who I was. One of us daughters was there. So this was nice - we talked and had a drink together while my friends beat each other at pool. This was good for maybe an hour, then we had to get fresh air! At this point one of our party (the male part of it) said they wanted to go home and play video games. Fine - the ladies will carry on!
Next stop is the other club (bar) which is even divier than the first one. This one is called the Lazy Gator - just love the name! The beer was warm and when I asked for scotch they looked at me like I had three heads, so I settled for warm lite beer. Music was better here - more rock mixed in with the country, even dancing, and more pool tables. My friends ran into friends of theirs and we settled in down by the pool tables. I kept looking for faces I might recognize - none there. Then this friend of a friend says "hey see that good-looking tall guy playing pool down there with the dark hair? I'd love to take him home and see what he can do." Well that got my attention. I looked and then verified which pool table she meant. I looked a little closer - damn! I knew him! He is so cute, I have to say hello! So I told her "I'll check him out" and sashayed down to the end of the table. He was playing alone, practicing his shots and didn't notice me until he sank the last ball. Then he looked up and saw me. He broke into a big grin, hugged and kissed me. I spent the rest of the evening until last call talking very cosily and catching up with him. He is a pool shark and played against one of my friends (I wouldn't play him without more alcohol). Whenever he wasn't playing pool, he would wrap his arms around me and we would catch up. I felt so many people staring it made me feel so good! Finally he asked for a ride home. I'm sure this really made some people jealous. They were probably wondering how did she pick up that young stud?!? Well heck, he's my nephew and we really like one another! We wanted to party together. I also hadn't seen him in about a year. I just loved the feeling of that little mystery I left behind.
So that's my excitement other than new U2 music, ticket buying, and planning more travel. We also had a few more snowstorms. My life hasn't changed much but I've had some fun and excitement. That's a very good thing!
Peace and health to all!

Traveling on My Mind

2009-02-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

As much as I love winter and snow, lately my mind as been on traveling...in warmer weather! Maybe its because two weeks ago I was supposed to go to Lexington, KY on business. My supervisor was meeting me in Charlotte where we were to connect to our Lexington flight. I knew there was a big snowstorm headed for Salem but figured if I miss one, big deal. Had a good flight to Charlotte and met my boss who flew in from DC. She had been watching the weather while waiting for me to arrive and there was a huge ice storm covering KY! We keep checking the weather on-line and on the airport televisions - it didn't look good. We boarded our flight and sure enough about 20 minutes later they announced it was cancelled. So we said ' what do we do, try go get there or not?'. I called our contact in KY and was told that the state had just been officially shut down due to the ice storm, which was covering 5-6 inches of snow that fell the night before. We were able to catch flights back home that evening. I got back in time to get ready for our latest snowstorm while my boss was battling freezing rain down in DC. We didn't get the 18 inches of snow forecast but we did get about 8 inchs before we got ice on top of it. The storm had followed me home! Then our temperatures plummeted and we've had two more snows since. It's warming up today to almost 40 then it will get colder again. Happy New England Winter.

I'm off to Arkansas on business Monday for a week where it will be in the 50s! That will feel like summer compared to our winter. My parents live in Louisiana about 5 hours south of Little Rock so will take about six days and drive down to visit them. By that time I will be nice and warm and spoiled by their weather. Then I'll come back to winter. It's OK - I'd be upset if I didn't. In March I get to go to beautiful (it may be, I'm not sure but I know it's small) Columbia, SC for a week. I'll spend St. Patrick's Day in the south - it's been 21 years since I did that. In May I go to San Francisco (yes!) for six days. In June I will probably go to Nashville for a week (no country music lover here). This is all for work with the side trip to my parents thrown in. I have even more work travel scheduled later in the year.

But I've been looking at what I'm going to do for vacation this year. I am planning to go to Florida for five days in April to meet some old friends who will be visiting there from Cincy. I also have friends who moved from Salem to Melbourne to escape our winters in the area and I'll stop in to see how they're doing.

I've decided to treat myself to five days on St. Kitts in the Caribbean. Never been there, don't know a thing about it except it is warm with a beach and a beautiful warm ocean. I have reservations at the Marriott Royal Beach Club and Casino for Memorial Day week. Thank you Marriott Rewards! A beach loving girlfriend is going to accompany me. I don't care if there's nothing there to do but drink and soak up the sun. I'll bring plenty of sunscreen!

The big thrill this week was a call from a girlfriend in NC. We have gotten together for a week together for the past three years (since she retired and moved south). Instead of doing a beach vacation, she asked if I'd like to go to Europe. Well, that was a hard decision! NOT! Heck yes! I've only been to Ireland six times and never gotten across the Irish sea! We're going to fly to London and then tour England and Scotland in September! I am so thrilled! The price is decent and I get to fly on British Airways, which is supposed to be luxurious no matter what class you are seated in. I think they had beds or first class, but I won't be there. It doesn't matter - I'm going away - to new places!

Remember this is my year for discovery and health! I'm trying my best to take care of the health so here's the discovery and adventure! Yippee!! I pray this all comes about. I am so ecstatic!

I think it must be the cocooning I do because it is so cold (though I've out more this past two weeks than normal when it was single digits or lower), but I feel like I have so much to look forward to now. I even bought tickets to two concerts already - Springsteen in April an Jimmy Buffett in June! Come on U2 and announce a tour with our new CD next month! I am ready!

Now if I just could get over that next hurdle - finding friends close to home to hang with. I dearly love my friends all over the world but it would be nice to have a couple really close here to get together with. I'm even considering the possibility that I might want to meet a guy one of these days. I still ache for Charlie but my life is still here on this earth and I don't want to be alone. There I finally said it! Big revelation - I've been beating around it since I decided to start this blog.

While I have travel on my mind, I need to go pack up for Arkansas. Monday morning will be here soon enough.

Peace to all!

Faith, Hope, and Patience

2009-01-21T15:24:00.000-08:00

Bet you thought all had been said that could be about the inauguration of President Obama and Vice President Biden. Probably, but I want to add my thoughts. I found myself getting teary just watching the crowd at the One Concert on Sunday. U2 and the Boss - how can you go wrong with them in the same lineup and they didn't disappoint. Then yesterday morning watching the sea of people on the Mall setting record attendance for an inauguration was another thrilling, teary moment! We have waited 8 years for a ray of hope and someone who cares about the future of this country to lead us. He is here! I thought it funny that the oath got flubbed - first because Obama started racing ahead of Roberts then waited to make sure he got it right. Then Roberts completely flubbed it on his end. Good thing Obama had it memorized! I heard most of his speech before having to step out for an appointment. I later read the text of the speech on-line and heard most of it in bites on MSNBC. What a day - scary with Sen. Kennedy (one of my senators) being taken away due to fatigue (God Bless him) and then Sen. Byrd getting upset about Sen. Kennedy and having to leave the luncheon. High emotions all around! These people care so much! Just as we, the American public, care!

We all have out pet causes or just want the country to be good to us I have many things I want changed for the better and I am willing to be a participant! I found myself out of curiosity going to whitehouse.gov yesterday evening after I heard the first e-mail had been sent. The web site has been totally overhauled. It is now professional, easy to use, and dignified! I immediately took advantage of signing up for e-mail updates and sent a congratulatory e-mail to President Obama and VP Biden. I've been serving my country as a Federal employee for many years. Now I want to do even more! I want to be active in rebuilding our infrastructure and getting this country back on its feet so it can provide health care, feed itself, harness alternative energies, and live up to the expectations of us, the US, from around the world.

But it will not be easy. That was the message of President Obama's speech. A lot of things have gone badly; a lot of bad things have taken the place of rights and liberties on which the USA was founded. It will take patience and time to change these but WE CAN! That's why with faith in ourselves, in our country and its leaders, and in God, we can keep this new found hope alive and have patience while the country heals and even make things even better for ourselves and future generations.

Thank you voters for giving us this chance. I also thought it only fitting that the Eastern States Ball was the last on the list for President and Mrs. Obama last night. As many said, "they saved the best for last". To quote James Taylor, "What a different world we live in nw, my friends. In the heart of Massachusetts, in true-blue Massachusetts, we feel like we got the country back."

Yes, we are the bluest of the blue! Keep the faith! Be proud! Peace!

When your parents get old

2009-01-19T17:03:00.000-08:00

it can really be an adventure and at times it can really suck! My mom never had the chance to get old. She retired at 65 and within weeks was diagnose with colon cancer. At 66 she passed away. My dad, God willing, will be 86 in July! He remarried a wonderful woman that has become one of my best friends. He had a heart attack and a quadruple bypass by deBakey nonetheless back in the 1980s. They gave him five years if he didn't change his life style. Well, he's proven to like a cat with more than nine lives - survivding almost 30 years since then. He's been pronounced dead three times (his claim...I'm not certain). He's had at least one major stroke (right after the heart surgery though no one told me until he was all over) and several TIAs. He retired early and spent many years seeing the USA in his silver bullet (read Airstream). He and my stepmom even drove from Louisiana to Alaska and back! But Dad isn't Dad anymore.
Over two years ago (ironically at the same time my dear husband was dying of lung cancer) dad had an episode where his oxygen levels (he suffers from a heart that is barely working and congestive heart failure among other things) dropped dangerously low. He was rushed to intensive care and the family kept vigil. Mine was long distance as I stayed close to Charlie's side who was fighting hard against cancer. I bought my plane ticket to go back to Louisiana only when told there was no hope. I changed the reservation three times - the last was to cancel. Dad had rallied back and was moved from intensive care to a nursing home for six weeks of rehab. He couldn't walk without assistance and was suffering from short term memory loss. Meanwhile, Charlie lost his fight and we said our goodbyes in this life
Dad is still with us, though he is weaker than ever, will never walk again without assistance and his short term memory is really shot. I still love him so much but our relationship has changed. He tries so hard to hold conversations but he gets confused so easily. I try not to correct unless it is really important so I have to bite my tongue sometimes. In the past two years he has been in and out of the hospital so many times I've lost count. He's had staph infection in his elbow from a cut that took months of IV antibiotics followed by surgery to heal, a hip replacement, and surgery for a fractured vertebrae! Like I said - a cat with many lives!
He is such a trooper but at the same time he is demanding and can be so frustrating. He insists that he will/can walk and he will/can drive. Thus, the crux of my angst today. He can walk only short distances with his walker. He has been told by every doctor never to drive again. This is a huge issue for him. I've been told its very common - a loss of independence - but it hurts and worries the entire family. He even called the local dealership (there is only one in this small town) and asked them to bring a car for him to test drive. (My stepmom was gone for all of 60 minutes!) The dealership did their job and showed up with a car. They let him drive it! I don't know how far he got or how he drove but this is scary! The last time I know of Dad driving, he backed my stepmom's car out of the garage and ran into the fence. He sold his Lincoln over a year ago knowing he would never be able to drive again. But this resurfaces ever so often (too often) and causes all of us much distress. So I played the bad guy and told Dad he didn't need a car and he shouldn't be driving! He is angry and his feelings are very hurt. He will get over it and may not even remember it clearly after today.
But it is so depressing to see someone who was so vibrant, strong, and full of life wear down and not be able to do the things he loved to do. Sometimes I'm at my wits end and my poor stepmom is beside herself. God bless her! I love Dad dearly but he is giving us a run for the money. Patience is a virtue and I'm learning it the hard way!
To be continued...

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

2009-01-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

No sleigh bells but plenty of plows and snow blowers are going today after almost 16 inches of snow this weekend! It is absolutely gorgeous outside. The snow has turned everything into a world of white. It is almost surreal to see the tree branches draped in white just like on a Christmas card. After back to back storms, it is a good thing today is a Holiday. It started snowing Saturday night then we had a second storm come through yesterday midday. And guess what - there's more coming tonight and maybe even more Tuesday-Wednesday. I took pictures from the warmth of my house during the storms. I hope to post these soon. I may take my camera out when I run errands later to capture some more of this beauty.
Yesterday afternoon it was absolutely dreamlike. Big, fluffy flakes were falling really hard sticking to everything, covering up the plow tracks from earlier in the day. It was quiet outside and no one was out and about. If only I had been snuggled up with someone other than my book and hot tea, it would have been truly a dreamy day. There is something magical about snow to me. Yes, I know, it gets messy and dirty and we have to shovel and all that stuff. But, I'm talking about the beauty of it all and how there are no two snowflakes alike. I love walking in new fallen snow. It has a sparkle to it and that soft crunch sound that makes one realize you're the first person to walk this way today. Even as night closes in, you can tell it is still snowing. There is a stillness and a brightness from the snow that gives everything a feeling of twilight. This is what is known as "white nights" in Siberia. There is so much pristine snow that it bring light to the darkness of night. Oh to be able to share that feeling with the world; it is a beautiful thing. I wish you peace...and the glory of new fallen snow!

Baby It's Cold Outside!

2009-01-15T14:22:00.000-08:00

No kidding! It's maybe 10 degrees and going below zero tonight. Tomorrow will be our coldest day in years! It's really nice that we have a lot of snow cover and this will make it stick around awhile but even I have to admit that this is cold. My house is 100 years old and drafty! I have all the storm windows down but one can still feel a breeze wafting through the house at times. Think I'll have to ratchet up the setting on the electric blanket tonight. My normal 2 - 2 1/2 isn't gonna do it.
I'm sitting here warm and snug in my slippers and just finished a wonderful cup of tea. But I'll brave the cold once more before tomorrow comes. I'm meeting a girlfriend for dinner so it should be worth it. We've had a time finding a day when we're both in town and have no conflicting plans. So I'll be off to visit "the moose" as my dear Charlie used to call it (Bugaboo Creek for those wondering) in a few minutes. I had thought I'd mosey over to Macy's to check out a sale but screw it - it's too damn cold to shop!
The entire weekend is supposed to be very cold - downright frigid with highs in the teens if we're lucky. We're supposed to warm up to the low 20's on Sunday and Monday and get more snow. My dear friends and neighbors - the wolf pack - are down in the Bahamas. They are going to love coming hold to this artic chill.
Oh well, what do I expect - it is winter...in New England. This is part of the package. If you don't like it, move on. I chose this and I like it. Though at times like this I do have fond memories of sipping Hurricanes outside at Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans with a light jacket on.
So, my friends, snuggle up (hopefully you won't be alone like me), and keep it warm and cozy until spring! Brrrr...

Let it Snow! I'm getting over Saturday night!

2009-01-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

There's nothing like waking up to see big, fluffy flakes of snow drifting by your window. It is so quiet out and I am warm and cozy in my bed. It was so nice around 6 a.m. when I woke up long enough to check the snowfall from our latest storm. In the five minutes I was actually conscious, the snow started blowing and wind howling. Oooh, better jump back under the covers! Sure enough, I did and when I finally woke up for good at 9 a.m. the snow was just flurries but then the work started. First I heard I snow shovel and at least two snow blowers started up and roared down the sidewalks. This was followed by the sound of a plow and the beep-beep of the salt and sand truck. So much for my quiet Sunday morning. At least it was Sunday and I didn't have to worry about hurrying off to work, which would entail cleaning off the car and maybe shoveing a path to the street. Now that I've procrastinated much of the day, my car has been cleaned by a neighbor (he's off to the Bahamas tomorrow morning!) and the path to the street cleared by my landlord. Now I just have to shovel off the back porch. Not too shabby.
It is still only 21 degrees outside so I'll make sure that hot cocoa or tea waiting when I get done with the porch.

Well I ventured out late yesterday afternoon to mingle with friends over a few drinks. I started off at Bertini's where I saw a few people I hadn't seen since before Christmas. All was well. Had a couple of scotches and som good craic. Then I ventured up the road to Sidelines. It's been at least two months since I've been there. Luckily, Michelle was behind the bar and we had a nice chat catching up on things. She also makes an awesome dirty martini! :)

I still don't feel quite as comfortable going out on my on as when I went out with Charlie. His personality was so huge and gregarious that I just got swept along with it. Thanks to him I have all of these acquaintances and friends that remember me. It's a little different by myself. I'm not quite as outgoing, though I'm not shy either. I think it's hard when you've already done this bar scene thing once as a single, then as a couple, and now back as a single. You know all the things that can go bad. You don't want to drink too much - don't want to embarrass yourself now plus there's no one to help you get home! I'll hang in there and see how things go. Maybe I can get more comfortable doing it. And I am out talking to friends.

So, I was good. I stopped drinking after a glass of Sam Adams Winterfest. I ordered food to take home. I went home and had dinner and promptly fell asleep within two hours of getting home. I do remember checking outside to see if it was snowing (yes, started just after I got home) and that my car wasn't too close to the street so it wouldn't get plowed in. I woke up at midnight and put myself to bed. No wonder I woke up at 6 a.m. the first time!

Hopefully my future adventures into single territory and bar hopping won't always result in a snoozefest! I'm learning the ropes again...trying to anyway.

I wish you well. Until next time...peace!

Hi Ho Hi Ho - Back to Work I Went

2009-01-07T12:56:00.000-08:00

Well I returned to work on Tuesday and have now reacclimated to my cubicle and the office setting. Why is it that every time I am off from work for a week or so, I expect lots of things to happen? It's not that the work can't go on without me - believe me, it does! I just always re-enter the work environment expecting changes or something exciting to have happened. I am almost always disappointed. My workspace looks the same, is still covered with papers and to do lists. (Yes, give me a flat space and I will clutter it.) Nothing exciting happened to the agency or to any employees that was earth shattering. People celebrated Christmas or Hannakuh and New Year's and that's about it. No one I know even got that exciting a gift this year (any gift is happiness though). Maybe it's just the excitment (or anxiety) or going back to this place where we spent so much of our lives that generates these expectations (or apprehensions). My coworkers missed me and we're still catching up on things but otherwise, no big deal.
I really enjoy my job and I do get to travel a lot with it - not always to the most exciting places, but I'm still out of the office more than a lot of my coworkers. Maybe it's me searching for something exciting (so why am I looking at work?!) but anyway the bottom line is - work is nice, I like it. Re-entry was disappointing but non unpleasant. Maybe I should be thankful that nothing did happen!
I feel very lucky (blessed) to have a good job with benefits and job security. I feel so badly for those who have lost their jobs or are just hanging on by their fingertips! I really don't know how that feels. Good for me, not for them. I do have friends and relatives that are in those situations. I am carefully watching how Obama's team will affect my work. It will be indirectly but since I do work for a government agency that deals with human services (food and nutrition issues), there may be an impact. Maybe I should be looking at the holistic view of my workplace and not just what's going on in my cube.
Oh well, today's snow turned to ice and now freezing rain. Tomorrow night we get more snow - yeah! (Yes, I am a weather nut! So expect these little tidbits to creep into my thoughts quite often.) Be well!

Continuing Resolutions

2009-01-05T10:12:00.000-08:00

My last day at home before going back to work. I haven't taken this much time off for the Holidays in years but had no choice - either "use it or lose it". Me give up a vacation day? Never! Those of you who have worked for government may recognize the Continuing Resolution (CR) term. In the Federal government it happens almost every October when Congress doesn't pass a budget to fund the government. So we continue to work on a CR until the budget is passed. A CR only funds us for the same amount as the year before. So this delays our ability to do some things - like purchase supplies or enter into contracts. So much for the civics lesson, my CR is all about those pesky New Year resolutions. No I don't make a list - never have. Tried it once and immediately broke at least two of them the same day. So I am adopting the CR for my life forever. My CR is composed of two parts: health and discovery. Health as in being healthy; continuing the diet I started January 2008 that actually works for me; exercising my body and my mind! Discovery is a path for me to rediscover myself, continue existing relationships with family and friends and find new ones. Discovery is also about looking at the world without any patina, going to new places and revisiting others. If I can accomplish any part of these, then I will find some happiness and even have some fun! So if you are making resolutions and then breaking them, try this tip. Keep them short and not too narrow. You may say lose weight. I think everyone has that one of a list! Well, maybe the better way to approach it is to say be healthy or address your health. This broadens the ways you can meet that resolution. Hopefully by getting healthy you will reach the more narrow goal you originally started with. I used to always say travel to such-and-such a place. Travel now falls under discovery! I don't box myself into one or two places that may or may not be achievable in a given timeframe. I broaden the horizon and can meet the goal and also keep the resolution in many ways. Try it! I lie challenges and this works well for me. I don't punish myself for not meeting a narrow goal but feel good about meeting something in the broader realm of health or discovery. So health and discovery are my continuing resolutions. Good luck with yours! Now I have to set the clock for 5:15 a.m. in order to go back to work tomorrow. Ugh...love the work, not the hours! Persevere!

Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down

2009-01-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

Does anyone remember that song? It was written by Kris Kristofferson back in the 60s. I have the Mark Lindsay version of it on vinyl and CD. Anyway, I woke up this Sunday morning and that song title popped into my head. Must be the cold meds at work but the lyrics were appropriate. Sunday's are my day, meaning they are special to me. I use them to relax and rejuvenate before starting the work week. I usually read both Boston papers, have a leisurely, nutritious breakfast, then turn on the TV and watch movies (and football). When Charlie was with me, we used to go out on Sunday afternoons to watch the games and drink a few brews. Now, I cocoon myself away and try to breathe deeply before the hectic schedule of the work week takes over. I have no clue what is on TV now - it is just noise. I reserve Saturdays for blasting the stereo and Sundays for TV. I am at loose ends today. Don't feel well enough to do much of anything useful around the house. I don't know why but I have this thing, this urge, to always be busy. I need to learn how to relax again. Charlie could make me relax. He used to tell me to sit down and not worry about anything else. I miss that and I need it. Sometimes I feel like the energizer bunny who keeps on going and going and going.
Sundays were made to rest and after I post this I am going to do my utmost to do just that! It's sunny but cold outside and I have nothing that absolutely has to get done. So this is when most people relax. I'm going to try. Peace!

It's a New Year!

2009-01-03T10:44:00.000-08:00

Why am I blogging? Because my dear friend "Diva" turned me onto her blog and I love to write. Also, because I am hoping that blogging will help me find myself and what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Why do I need to find myself? I lost my dear husband to lung cancer on September 15, 2006. We had been together almost 31 years. I have been sleepwalking - better yet - running ever since! I need to figure out who I am by myself and what I want and need to be happy. I miss him terribly but it has been long enough now that I need to wipe the patina from my view and get my act together. I have to figure out my life now as a, dare I say it - single woman in her 50s. Yikes! Where did the years go? I feel like I'm in my late 30s!
Anyway, this is one way for me to search for what makes me happy now that I am alone. Yes, I have friends and family that I love dearly and they have been so supportive. Alas, the majority of them are far away from Salem.
I travel a lot - mostly for work - and that keeps me occupied and is exciting, but it is also a form of escapism. So, as a form of New Year's resolution, 2009 is about finding my life and what I need and want from it to make me happy.
This may also give me a shoulder to cry on and a place to vent. Feel free to join me on my journey. Advice is welcome.
I wish you well.