may be getting the best of me. Either that or my thyroid medication is all messed up. It is quite possibly a combination of both. I've had the follow-up kisses and words of endearment. I understand we each have our separate lives that we are just giving each other a peek into at this stage of the game. So now I am hoping to see him tonight - unencumbered by his buddies this time. Yes, real life stepped into my fairytale last weekend but that's just fine. He was straight up about it - out with friends and been partying most of the afternoon. It made me take a step back and take a look at this...this thing. I have to give it time and it has to be a mutual decision when we take this a step farther. I will readily admit to fantasies of many kinds running through my head. So I have to temper myself from wanting to "jump" this guy (as my niece would say) by having some restraint and making sure that if/when that happens, it is right for both of us.
There is a lot we don't know about one another yet. But when we talk, we talk a lot so I think we're learning. I'm getting those butterflies again about going out on a Friday night in anticipation of just seeing him. That has to mean something! So if anyone reads this, say a little prayer that this is the real deal and that I will find guidance along the way.
Now the clock is ticking louder as the waking hour nears...time to start thinking about outfit, perfume, etc. All for a possibility...but I think that's okay.
Peace everyone!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Butterflies
are beautiful but I have them in my tummy and in my heart! Kisses are so wonderful and so scary. Someone to laugh with, to share things with, maybe someone to love...just don't know yet. The tentative tilt of the head, the warm, soft touch, the total immersion in showing such affection. The eager, lusty follow-ups. Then not wanting to let go. Oh my my! Do women swoon anymore?! Knowing the feeling is mutual is wonderful, exhilarating, and so scary. How will you react the next time we see one another? How will I? I may need more Xanax! LOL! Now the waiting game...when will it happen again? Soon I hope. As we parted, we each said "to be continued". So will this dear reader.
Peace and love to all!
Peace and love to all!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Baby Steps - Part II
Still working on this. We talk, we chat, we flirt. Sometimes with other people. Sometimes just the two of us. It's a slow dance is how I describe it to my friends. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we run into one another once or twice a week; sometimes not at all. It's a wave or it's a long chat with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes he just leaves.
But you know - it's all good! I've decided I am worthy of another relationship. I loved my late husband but we did not always have a healthy relationship. Now it's my turn to have a little control.
Hugs and kisses on the cheek even the "love ya" was a thrill! Others are noticing there is a spark!
I feel good about going out. I put some effort into it - not just throwing on jeans and a shirt; but putting on some makeup, paying attention to my hair and trying to look nice!
It takes time, it takes two...
Slow dancing, swaying to the music...
But you know - it's all good! I've decided I am worthy of another relationship. I loved my late husband but we did not always have a healthy relationship. Now it's my turn to have a little control.
Hugs and kisses on the cheek even the "love ya" was a thrill! Others are noticing there is a spark!
I feel good about going out. I put some effort into it - not just throwing on jeans and a shirt; but putting on some makeup, paying attention to my hair and trying to look nice!
It takes time, it takes two...
Slow dancing, swaying to the music...
Wicked Weather - Life in New England
DC gets pounded with not inches but feet of snow! We get bitter cold followed by a series of Nor'easters that pound us with driving sleet and rain and up to hurricane force winds! This is not your typical winter! I'm a hearty person despite being raised in Louisiana where the heat and humidity now makes me want to wilt. I loved the bitter cold because it was steady for about a month, a little snow, but just plain cold. Bought myself some Uggs and used them every single day for over two months - definitely paid for the investment! Now that spring is trying to come (Saturday), we are getting these storms ripping up the coast and literally tearing us up! Windows pound all night long. Wind howls and at moments the house looks like it is literally breathing. Now that reminds me of riding out hurricanes down in Louisiana; but this is winter in Massachusetts!
Pieces of my back porch have been ripped off and blown away. I may find them in better weather or not. My poor flag hasn't been flown since before Christmas. My windsock wrapped itself around the cow windchime and strangled it. But the scariest part is seeing bricks fly off the top of my porch storage bin. Yes bricks! I had three bricks on top of the tarp over the storage bin. They all were blown off and then the tarp and one half of of the top of the storage bin. Now this is all on a covered back porch on the second floor.
Something wicked this way comes - whether it is climate change or apocalypse I don't know but this certainly isn't normal! It's exciting but also annoying at the same time. The trains are running behind schedule or even cancelled, roads are flooded and schools cancelled. At least we didn't lose power this time...yet. So it really is a love/hate relationship with the weather. It fascinates me but has its inconveniences.
Oh the forecast for later in the week...sunny and warmy. Yeah, wait a minute it will change!
Peace!
Pieces of my back porch have been ripped off and blown away. I may find them in better weather or not. My poor flag hasn't been flown since before Christmas. My windsock wrapped itself around the cow windchime and strangled it. But the scariest part is seeing bricks fly off the top of my porch storage bin. Yes bricks! I had three bricks on top of the tarp over the storage bin. They all were blown off and then the tarp and one half of of the top of the storage bin. Now this is all on a covered back porch on the second floor.
Something wicked this way comes - whether it is climate change or apocalypse I don't know but this certainly isn't normal! It's exciting but also annoying at the same time. The trains are running behind schedule or even cancelled, roads are flooded and schools cancelled. At least we didn't lose power this time...yet. So it really is a love/hate relationship with the weather. It fascinates me but has its inconveniences.
Oh the forecast for later in the week...sunny and warmy. Yeah, wait a minute it will change!
Peace!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
How Bout Dem Saints!
Who Dat?! Dat Who! It all came true last Sunday night! What an absolutely great football game. I would have been perfectly happy with a well played game - meaning no blowout by Indy! But who would have imagined at 31-17 win by the Saints!
The days of paper sacks and going to the game just for the sake of a party that might happen to be around a football game are gone. That was my experience back in the '80s when we had season tickets. I am still ecstatic with the win! So proud of my hometown team!
Now I'm wondering what will I ever do if the Saints and Patriots meet in a playoff or Super Bowl! We know the Patriots lost to the Saints this season but it was just a regular season game, though I took a lot of ribbing from my friends and familia down in Louisiana. Oh my - I guess I'd be happy no matter who won. At least I have a few months to recover from all this excitement before the next NFL season begins!
I think the Saints know that most of the nation was cheering them on! Patriot Nation was Who Dat Nation on Sunday night for sure.
Thank you Saints! Thanks to my great friends, Lisa and Michelle, for sharing the experience and "raising the bar" at Sidelines!
The days of paper sacks and going to the game just for the sake of a party that might happen to be around a football game are gone. That was my experience back in the '80s when we had season tickets. I am still ecstatic with the win! So proud of my hometown team!
Now I'm wondering what will I ever do if the Saints and Patriots meet in a playoff or Super Bowl! We know the Patriots lost to the Saints this season but it was just a regular season game, though I took a lot of ribbing from my friends and familia down in Louisiana. Oh my - I guess I'd be happy no matter who won. At least I have a few months to recover from all this excitement before the next NFL season begins!
I think the Saints know that most of the nation was cheering them on! Patriot Nation was Who Dat Nation on Sunday night for sure.
Thank you Saints! Thanks to my great friends, Lisa and Michelle, for sharing the experience and "raising the bar" at Sidelines!
Some Men Should Have Electronic Collars...
or women should have better radar! I know I'm kind of new at this whole going out and meeting people stuff as a single woman. For those few of you who read this, you know I've had feelings reawakening and though I am not out stalking anyone (though there is this one guy.... no!), I'm more open to meeting people - guys in particular. This is my coming out of grief, denial, and hibernation of the last three years. But I swear guys can be the most contrary people! And they complain about us women - ha! Why is it the nice guys are the ones that don't make contact? I should say the nice, available guys. I think this is why women go out in packs (two or more) so we can protect one another from the creeps, the droolers, the drunks, the "hey baby I'm so good for you" types! Now I'm not talking about every guy out there but for some reason there appears to be a proliferation of these types lately and they don't know when to leave you alone or just plain leave!
I go out by myself sometimes. If I'm lucky I'll see that really cute guy I'm crushing on and we'll talk. If not, then I still usually have a good time. Usually! Sometimes I just give up and go the heck home. I don't want to be pawed, slobbered over, or fed drinks (one is nice, two is questionable). I want to meet a nice guy and talk and get to know him. There are guys who want to skip this whole bit! They think we are going to look at them, listen to their line, and follow them home like a puppy. Well you know what you can do with that!
Sometimes it even happens with those you know a little and think you are safe with. My gosh! One minute you're talking about football or whatever and the next thing you know he's putting the moves on you - literally and figuratively. I know a lot of it is alcohol-infused - heck, I've been there and done that (but not recently). So I try to give a guy a bit of a break if that is the situation. But enough is enough. Don't get touchy-feely unless we invite it, which we usually won't. You see, women try to be nice. We don't like to create scenes. We will smile and be gritting our teeth at the same time we're thinking "wtf?". We don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. But some guys think that is tacit consent to proceed down another path. Wrong!
We usually have pretty good radar but sometimes it goes on the fritz. I remember one night a couple of months ago a friend and I met for drinks at our local pub. It was before Christmas and there was a group of guys there having drinks before they went to a "private party". One of them took a shine to my friend. He offered to buy both of us a drink. We both figured OK he's offering to buy for both of us so it's a nice holiday gesture. The seat next to my friend opened up and he slid in there so fast you swear he left skid marks! He bought more drinks and talked and moved closer and closer. She didn't want to make a scene or be violent. She ignored him, talked to me, talked to anyone but him. Still he starts draping himself over her chair and over her. No matter what we said, he would not leave her alone. It got so bad I was getting ready to be rude and abnoxious when thankfully he had to leave for his "private party". He left her his phone number and while she escaped to get some fresh air he came back in and told me to please tell her he "would make her so happy and be so good for her". He knew this after one hour of loud, bar conversation. Amazing!
Now that dude needed one of those electronic dog collars that has a remote where you can just zap them and say "down boy!". Or maybe we should just carry tazers!
I've had two experiences lately with guys I know. One is like my brother and I see quite often. Yes he was drunk but after knowing him for many years he suddenly pulls me onto the dance floor (who knew he could dance?) for a slow dance. Then it gets kissy and touchy. I'm laughing but he is dead serious. I will never hold it against him since he is such a good friend but I think I'll stay a couple drinks behind him and keep my guard up. We're friends and will never be anything more. The other was another bar encounter with an acquaintance. I refuse to give up goig to my local pub and enjoying a drink or two with friends!
Oh sweet mystery of life - what the heck do we do? The good ones don't always show up, don't always talk when they do but the others are always there! Please don't get me wrong I love the company of a good man. Where is he?
Tongue in cheek this is sort of - maybe. This is another of my baby steps!
Peace and maybe love?
I go out by myself sometimes. If I'm lucky I'll see that really cute guy I'm crushing on and we'll talk. If not, then I still usually have a good time. Usually! Sometimes I just give up and go the heck home. I don't want to be pawed, slobbered over, or fed drinks (one is nice, two is questionable). I want to meet a nice guy and talk and get to know him. There are guys who want to skip this whole bit! They think we are going to look at them, listen to their line, and follow them home like a puppy. Well you know what you can do with that!
Sometimes it even happens with those you know a little and think you are safe with. My gosh! One minute you're talking about football or whatever and the next thing you know he's putting the moves on you - literally and figuratively. I know a lot of it is alcohol-infused - heck, I've been there and done that (but not recently). So I try to give a guy a bit of a break if that is the situation. But enough is enough. Don't get touchy-feely unless we invite it, which we usually won't. You see, women try to be nice. We don't like to create scenes. We will smile and be gritting our teeth at the same time we're thinking "wtf?". We don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. But some guys think that is tacit consent to proceed down another path. Wrong!
We usually have pretty good radar but sometimes it goes on the fritz. I remember one night a couple of months ago a friend and I met for drinks at our local pub. It was before Christmas and there was a group of guys there having drinks before they went to a "private party". One of them took a shine to my friend. He offered to buy both of us a drink. We both figured OK he's offering to buy for both of us so it's a nice holiday gesture. The seat next to my friend opened up and he slid in there so fast you swear he left skid marks! He bought more drinks and talked and moved closer and closer. She didn't want to make a scene or be violent. She ignored him, talked to me, talked to anyone but him. Still he starts draping himself over her chair and over her. No matter what we said, he would not leave her alone. It got so bad I was getting ready to be rude and abnoxious when thankfully he had to leave for his "private party". He left her his phone number and while she escaped to get some fresh air he came back in and told me to please tell her he "would make her so happy and be so good for her". He knew this after one hour of loud, bar conversation. Amazing!
Now that dude needed one of those electronic dog collars that has a remote where you can just zap them and say "down boy!". Or maybe we should just carry tazers!
I've had two experiences lately with guys I know. One is like my brother and I see quite often. Yes he was drunk but after knowing him for many years he suddenly pulls me onto the dance floor (who knew he could dance?) for a slow dance. Then it gets kissy and touchy. I'm laughing but he is dead serious. I will never hold it against him since he is such a good friend but I think I'll stay a couple drinks behind him and keep my guard up. We're friends and will never be anything more. The other was another bar encounter with an acquaintance. I refuse to give up goig to my local pub and enjoying a drink or two with friends!
Oh sweet mystery of life - what the heck do we do? The good ones don't always show up, don't always talk when they do but the others are always there! Please don't get me wrong I love the company of a good man. Where is he?
Tongue in cheek this is sort of - maybe. This is another of my baby steps!
Peace and maybe love?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Annual Christmas Missive
19 trips... 20 States... 48 flights... 1 US Territory... 4 Countries... 4 rock concerts
Holiday Greetings to you and yours! You can see how I've spent my 2009 - on the road. Most of this was for work but I squeezed in some personal travel and activities, though it is such a blur. I hope this finds you welcoming the Holiday season with health and happiness. I am doing fairly well. I am healthy - despite a couple of tough bouts with colds and sinus infections lately. I am blessed with a job that I truly love and it's a good thing or I would be pretty miserable with all that travel!
It has been over three years since Charlie passed and I have found that I will survive. I will always miss him and love him but I realized I need to make time for my life now. That said, I have yet to do much of that. I have also found how difficult and scary it is as an adult to make friends and look for possibilities. When did I grow up? Gosh those 30 years went by so fast! But I am determined not to feel sorry for myself and to enjoy life again as myself. I believe the past three years have been mourning and trying to discover who I am as Kathy, not as defined by Charlie and Kathy. I'm not quite the same, both good and bad, but I kind of like myself, which is a good thing! He would want that for sure.
My personal travel this year included reconnecting with old friends in Florida. I spent a week sharing some beach time with friends from OH and seeing friends from Salem who have left winter behind forever. In May a girlfriend and I took a trip to St. Kitts down in the West Indies. Beautiful island - I think we explored every nook and cranny and she enjoyed lots of beach time. My skin turns red in about 15 minutes so not too much sun for me! I spent a weekend in Chicago by exploring the city and seeing U2 in concert the first two nights of their US tour. Don't you know I was in heaven - listening to my wild Irish rockers and dancing all night long! I'm off to Toronto in July to see them again! Maybe I'm a little obsessed? Nah!
In September another girlfriend and I met in London and proceeded to tour England, Scotland, and Wales. Wonderful trip but not enough time to see everything! The last day in London was an exhilarating mad dash to see whatever we could before heading back the next day. I'm going back for sure.
I also made two visits to my parents in Louisiana. My Dad continues to enjoy life despite his health challenges and my Stepmom continues to be such a wonderful wife to him and friend to me. Dear friends and relatives are encountering health issues and I ask for their renewal and healing. I think this is called life, which sometimes lacks gravity but also can be so beautiful and full of wonder. Enjoy every single moment!
Nothing much exciting except some of the travel - whoever thought I would end up in Puerto Rico?! My healing and growth as a single person continues and I realize it has its own pace. I'm getting out and about and trying not to cocoon myself at home. It's an interesting ride.
Holiday Greetings to you and yours! You can see how I've spent my 2009 - on the road. Most of this was for work but I squeezed in some personal travel and activities, though it is such a blur. I hope this finds you welcoming the Holiday season with health and happiness. I am doing fairly well. I am healthy - despite a couple of tough bouts with colds and sinus infections lately. I am blessed with a job that I truly love and it's a good thing or I would be pretty miserable with all that travel!
It has been over three years since Charlie passed and I have found that I will survive. I will always miss him and love him but I realized I need to make time for my life now. That said, I have yet to do much of that. I have also found how difficult and scary it is as an adult to make friends and look for possibilities. When did I grow up? Gosh those 30 years went by so fast! But I am determined not to feel sorry for myself and to enjoy life again as myself. I believe the past three years have been mourning and trying to discover who I am as Kathy, not as defined by Charlie and Kathy. I'm not quite the same, both good and bad, but I kind of like myself, which is a good thing! He would want that for sure.
My personal travel this year included reconnecting with old friends in Florida. I spent a week sharing some beach time with friends from OH and seeing friends from Salem who have left winter behind forever. In May a girlfriend and I took a trip to St. Kitts down in the West Indies. Beautiful island - I think we explored every nook and cranny and she enjoyed lots of beach time. My skin turns red in about 15 minutes so not too much sun for me! I spent a weekend in Chicago by exploring the city and seeing U2 in concert the first two nights of their US tour. Don't you know I was in heaven - listening to my wild Irish rockers and dancing all night long! I'm off to Toronto in July to see them again! Maybe I'm a little obsessed? Nah!
In September another girlfriend and I met in London and proceeded to tour England, Scotland, and Wales. Wonderful trip but not enough time to see everything! The last day in London was an exhilarating mad dash to see whatever we could before heading back the next day. I'm going back for sure.
I also made two visits to my parents in Louisiana. My Dad continues to enjoy life despite his health challenges and my Stepmom continues to be such a wonderful wife to him and friend to me. Dear friends and relatives are encountering health issues and I ask for their renewal and healing. I think this is called life, which sometimes lacks gravity but also can be so beautiful and full of wonder. Enjoy every single moment!
Nothing much exciting except some of the travel - whoever thought I would end up in Puerto Rico?! My healing and growth as a single person continues and I realize it has its own pace. I'm getting out and about and trying not to cocoon myself at home. It's an interesting ride.
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