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Salem, Mass (Witch City) resident with deep southern roots! Love New England - let it snow! Still making up for all those years south! I'm a widow attempting to make merry but it is very hard. This is my way to vent, share, and talk about my path to finding happiness again. September 2006 I became a widow. My road out of the abyss of grief, guilt, and anger hasn't been easy but I'm clawing my way to something better. Seeing rays of hope and joy. Feel free to comment, share words of wisdom, or just read about my fairly mundane life. Slainte!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

It's a new dawn

It's a new day, it's a new life and I'm feeling good"  - so the lyric goes.

Last night I took off my wedding band for good.  I've been wearing it on my right hand for the past year.  It's pretty but it represents the past.  When that special person told me last night that he had known we were meant to be since we met five years ago - when we talked for the first time and he gave me money to play the jukebox - I kissed him and took it off and tucked it away in my jewelry box.  We have a long way to go in this new relationship but we're going to make it work.  We both have our baggage but we both have known from that day that there was something special between us. Now we're exploring and discovering.  So as I sit here dreaming of him (and it's only been four hours since we parted), I know I am totally smitten and loving him. love. 

My theme song is still "Patience".  Now I need another nap! LOL!

Peace and love to all.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Patience and Reflection

Well Patience is one of my favorite Guns 'n' Roses songs and there are so many songs about "reflections" I couldn't pick one if I had to so this is my mood right now. It's Father's Day - I love you Dad. Today is very emotional for me. My dad is still alive and aware but he may never see his home again.  After a series of health issues that started with a broken leg and ended up with a pacemaker, he has completed his allotted number of days in rehab.  Unfortunately at almost 87 he is not bouncing back like he did two years ago when he had his hip replacement or even almost four years ago when he had a pulmonary embolism that almost took him.  So he is transitioning into a nursing home environment.  I'm not even going to kid about calling "assisted living", he needs so much assistance round the clock that he can't come home.  Now I live 2,000 miles away but we have always been very close - I'm the only surviving child; have been the only child for my entire life - never knew my two brothers.  So today I am sad.  I send him a beautiful card and the razor he wanted.  My wonderful stepmom takes him my cards, packages, and messages and makes sure he knows how much I love him.  But I can't talk to him.  No cell phones allowed and when they do try to sneak one in he can't hear me because he doesn't like to wear his hearing aid. Frustration there! I have a special friend who is taking his dad out to brunch today and that makes me smile.  I hope it's a wonderful day...I'm also a tad jealous because I would like to do that too.
This is life - the hand we are dealt; I am normally very strong and roll with the punches.  For some reason today is very tough.  I'll go out later and seek the solace of friends and a few drinks.  Maybe see someone special.
Patience I need for all parts of my life but especially in my blooming relationship.  We want this to be a good thing - maybe a long-term thing, not to rush too much. But we both want some things so badly. I have to take a deep breath and step back and be so happy just for the conversations, the kisses, the small touches that mean so much, the whispers of endearment.
Now if my phone would just stop pocket dialing his number! LOL! Seriously - I called it on purpose (I have permission) then you know these stupid phones - hit the wrong button it repeats the last process.  I think I'm a nut case already - I don't need any help from the Droid!

Enjoy your day - I'll survive and be much better later on today.  Thanks for reading.

Peace and love to all!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sunday Soundtrack

Starting out with something very mellow - Snow Patrol and Ray Montagne.  Though Snow Patrol makes me think of U2, which will be on tap for later today while I'm out at the pub.  Almost did some Ramsey Lewis but I'm holding that for when/if someone special ever comes over.  It's wine and candlelight type of jazz.  Woke up thinking of steamy southern nights of my childhood and singing "Summertime". 
After two weeks of nothing had two nights in a row with that guy! Nothing as steamy physically though we both talked about those encounters and how great they were.  Hoping to see a sighting of him tonight.  He is an enigma.  I know just enough to know I want more! Maybe that is his game - his MO.  I have to learn to be patient.  Hence the mellow soundtrack this morning, which I hope heats up as the day progresses.
Tomorrow I'm off with my bestest friend for some shopping and sampling over next door in Marblehead.  Supposed to be a beautiful day and we're both off from work.  She is the best!  It truly was fate that brought us together - it is hard to believe I've only known her a year!  It is one of those relationships where we don't compete, we're like long, lost sisters.
Now about that guy...Dream..dream, dream, dream... (with a bit of "Say a Little Prayer for Me")!
Peace and love to all!