Baby Steps?

Okay so I formed a little plot with a couple of friends.  Find out when the guy comes in to the place where I always see him, find out what they know about him, and make contact again.  I went as far as to give my phone # and address to one of them to give to him.  She offered to text me when he showed up.  She texted but not to my phone! LOL!  I found out he is always in on Fridays - my usual night.

Friday night I showed up and found out he had my card with my info.  Now I'm really scared - what do I do if/when I seen him?!  I sipped margaritas slowly for an hour or so. All the sudden the owner (one of my conspirators) comes down says "he just walked in the door".  Sure enough.  Looking good too.  I was so nervous but knew he didn't see me from where he was standing.  So I decided to say hello.  It was a long walk around the bar but he saw me and smiled.  I apologized for being half in the bag when I saw him the last week.  He said I was fine.  We talked about how really glad we were to see one another again after two years.  Then I owned up to setting up the card thing.  He said he still had it and was really flattered.  I apologized for being so forward - not me at all.  Told him I wanted to be friends and have fun.  He said something about he just recently became very alone and he understands how it is.  I asked him to join me for a drink if he felt like it.

Many minutes (it seemed like forever), I'm no longer paying attention and he sneaks up behind me. Scares me! We start chatting and he starts telling me pretty much his story - divorced, two kids, etc.  He mentioned a girlfriend, which he quickly corrected to "girl friend" also named Kathy.  (I need to clarify that one.)  I let it slide - he can tell me what he wants.

It was nice.  We talked about how live changes and you have to deal whether you like it or not.  We discussed music, sports, etc.  Then he asks where would I like to go on a date. Date? Duh? I'm blank.  I shrug. Is there a movie I want to see?  Then he jokes about movies being boring dates (unless you sneak in beer).  We chat then instead of doing his disappearing act, he tells me he has to leave and wants to walk me out. 

My point is we had a wonderful conversation.  We will be friends and if that's all then that's fine.  I feel a little more at ease about it (not freaking out about it as badly).  He walked me to my car and we said goodnight. He says he will call.  We'll see.   He's a nice guy.  I'm lucky to know him.  Now I have to not freak every time we're both there. We both hang out there - that's how we met- neutral territory.  But we spent two hours chatting and both had a good time.  Hopefully we wil again...soon.

It's a baby step. 

Life is Scary Sometimes

I'm not talking scary because of violence or crime, I'm talking about just general survival.  My skills are so rusty!  I'm really bad a meeting new people at the friendship, potential relationship level.  For years that was automatic because Charlie was the gregarious type - loud, funny, Irishman.  I guess I road his coattails a little.  Now I find myself looking for these friendships and am coming up at a loss at times.  I've met a couple of women close to my age that may be fun to pal around with but the guy thing is really, really hard.

There is this guy I've known as a "bar" acquaintance for years.  He, Charlie and I used to always have these great debates and conversations when we saw one another. He talked to me a lot more than Charlie and we both love the same music.  About a year after Charlie passed I saw him for the first time since.  He was desperately trying to quit smoking.  We talked for a while and then he had to leave - the temptation to smoke was too great (even thought you can't smoke in a bar in Mass, there are smokers lurking outside).  As he left, he looked at me and said "I hope to God you're here when I come back.  I really really do."  Sigh...

Friday night I'm at the bar, yakking with a girlfriend, when she tells me he is across the bar desperately trying to get my attention.  I looked, almost didn't recognize him, then waved.  He was close to the jukebox so I went and played some U2.  He came up and said something about how I always play the best music.  I responded stupidly I'm sure (too many beers maybe) but he came over to talk to me.  He keep trying to convince me it was really him with a little extra weight because he actually did quit smoking.  I'm just smiling and staring.  I finally saide I know you look good.  Then we chatted a bit - the place is huge and loud - makes it difficult.  My girlfriend decided to give us some space and leave.  Well in the midst of telling her goodbye, he disappears.  I hung around for a bit and he must have just left (he's always done this quit disappearnce thing). But he seemed so happy to see me.  I was thrilled to see him but can't piece together the bits of the inane conversation we had.

Here's the scary bit - I am realizing that I could maybe like this guy.  I can't quit thinking about it.  I'm obsessing (why else am I writing this!) and that's not good.  I don't know who to find him except to get up the nerve to go back to the bar and pray he is there.  He's great fun, good-looking, and lord help me - Irish.

The whole potential is a bit overwhelming.  Even if nothing comes of this except his friendship, I am rediscovering feelings that I didn't know I could have again.  That anticipation, anxiety, excitement that there may be someone out there.  Now I'm sitting here crying.  I even took a chill pill.  It's been over 3 years and I've been so alone.  When I saw him two years ago I was definitely not ready for anything - I was still grieving and trying to survive. I'm in a much better place now.  But this really is driving me loopy.

I was so shy, so scared of people when I was in high school that I had a very small circle of friends.  Lots of people thought I was stuck up.  Nope - scared!  Why?  Tons of reasons - none that make sense.  When I got to LSU and then to New Orleans, I gained confidence in myself.  Now it's like starting over again.  I am not that sexy little 20-something with the sassy attitude down in NOLA.  I have great self-confidence when it comes to work and I can carry on a conversation with most people.  Now I'm that 50-something that looks pretty good but has very little confidence in meeting people, or getting to know people better.  I'm back in that shell and I need to break out.

So life is hard and sometimes very scary.  Maybe this is some type of epiphany for me that it's OK to think of other guys and to think of having another relationship. 

So here I go again...maybe...baby steps!

I Swear I thought turkeys could fly!

Happy Thanksgiving!  Now does anyone remember where the title quote came from?  A hilarious Thanksgiving edition of WKRP in Cincinnatti!  It still makes me laugh! Just imagine turkeys dive bombing from a helicopter!  Well I'm shortly going to give in to the turkey sleeping disorder so I thought I'd at least post something about Thanksgiving.

We are very lucky to have this Holiday - only the US and Canada do! So even though I am spending today by myself, I know I'm not truly alone.  There is so much to be thankful for.  A FB friend posted each day of November what she was thankful for.  I like that.  We should do it every day of the year.  I'm thankful for my friends and family, for health (despite my current sinus infection I am overall healthy), for living in this beautifl part of the country, for having a job that I really love, for an income that allows me to enjoy the things I enjoy most in life - travel, reading, movies, good music (U2!), and many others.  Most of all I am thankful for my friends and family.  This is a small group and they are scattered around the world but they are so dear to me.  Without them I would have become a lost soul many times over the years.

I was going to write something grandiose but have decided to keep it simple.  What with the prescription meds, the turkey, and that one glass of wine, nap time is coming any minute now.

To all my friends and family - I love you.  I am so blessed to have you. 

Happy Thanksgiving all!  (Next - the Christmas list!)

The Lion Sleeps

We are saying goodbye to Senator Edward M. Kennedy, scion on the Kennedy clan, Lion of the Senate, good Irishman.  He was my Senator but much more than that.  He was a Kennedy - but much more than that.  He was man who had his trials and tribulations.  He was a man who put other things and most importantly others before himself.  He has made such an impact on this country having been not only a politician but a master craftsman of policy that has changed this country for the better in so many ways.  I won't go into all that  he has done, the news and historians are doing a much better job than that.  I am brought to tears whenever I see news about his passing on TV or read about it on the web.  I was shocked Wednesday morning when I turned on the early early edition of CBS Boston and heard he had passed in the night.  I cried before I left for work. 
He was a man who could have never worked a day in his life but he chose to serve his country.  He served it tirelessly, working up until the day he passed.  He never took a salary for his job.  I had the privilege of meeting him a few times.  For a while I seemed to be boarding the same flight from DC to Boston as he and his wife about every other week. (She's from Louisiana too you now.)  He was very approachable, outgoing, and chatted easily with everyone.  He always sat in coach with the rest of us, usually chatting with his wife and other seatmates while glancing at a magazine or newspaper.  I remember a young father introducing his son to him after we landed at the Boston airport.  He shook the little boy's hand and asked him all about himself - age, grade, school, sports.  He then told him to be a good boy, listen to his father, and keep cheering on the Red Sox.  The father beamed with pride as Sen. Kennedy went to pick up his luggage. There was also a flight when he was coming home for an extended time and waited anxiously for their two Portuguese water dogs to be brought to them in their crates.  When they arrived, he quickly unlatched them, gave them each a quick series of pets, then led them outside for a quick potty stop.  How humanizing to see him taking his dogs to do their business! 
Teddy, as I fondly thought of him, was a great man.  He will be greatly missed by so many.  He leaves behind a heck of a legacy.  I will miss his efforts for Massachusetts and this country.  I think next time I fly the US Airways Shuttle from DC to Boston I'll be thinking of him.
He's in good company now.  I thought of my Charlie up in heaven looking up to see Teddy walking by and saying "You too huh?  Have a pint on me!" One great Irishman to another.
May God Bless.  My sympathies and prayers are with his family.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

or is it really the "dog days" of summer. I swear if people don't believe we're experiencing climate change, they need to come to New England! We had nothing but rain and really cool (60s) temperatures up until the last few weeks - June and July were both mostly a washout. It's crazy! Now it's hot and humid. The kind of weather that makes you just want to sit and sip something cool until it's time to go to sleep. Unfortunately that does not pay the bills or get anything constructive done. Though why I worry abut the latter, I sometimes wonder.
Went to see the Red Sox with friends the last Saturday in July - had a blast! See Daily Dose of Diva for her posting and pictures! Thanks so much for coming guys!
Unfortunately after that event and the next day in Salem, I totally devolved into being a summer slug. If I could work at home every day of this HHH weather I would. Actually I could but the air conditioning in the office is much better than my two window units supplemented by a couple of fans. So the chill of air conditioning spurs me to the train every morning so I can keep cool.
So how the heck did this southern girl - from really HHH Louisiana - become such a hot weather hater. I think that something peculiar happens when you cross that imaginary line between north and south and your blood thickens up for the cold. Which is what we need to survive our winters BUT doesn't help in the summer. There's nothing more miserable to me than sitting outside (or in an unair-conditioned house) without a breeze stirring and feeling the perspiration run down your body. And you know us women have a few more cracks and crevices for that to flow through than guys, plus we can't take our shirts off (in public anyway).
How did I survive my formative years in the south?!? I remember huge attic fans with all the windows open that pulled the air through. These were replaced by huge 20gazillion BTU window units that made it feel like meat locker (when they worked). Finally somewhere along the way central AC was invented. Thank you! But you know growing up with that heat, you almost get used to it. You know you are going to move form an AC house to an AC car to an AC office to the AC bar and back to the AC house. You also dress appropriately - no stockings, no slips - sleeveless tops and dresses with short skirts.
So this is my summer heat lament. One good thing is it kills the appetite. I eat a lot of salad anyway but in the summer I become almost a rabbit (with a few cold beverages of course). So now I am off to make a salad and pour some tea (no additives tonight, tomorrow is work). Enjoy the summer while it's here and keep cool.
Chill!

Pops Goes the Fourth - No One Does it Better!

Happy Independence Day! Our nation's birthday is celebrated in so many ways - small and large, privately and publicly. Even in this recession economy most of the cities and towns in this area are still having parades and fireworks. Salem's show will go on with a concert on Salem Green followed by a parade and fireworks over the harbor. I may or may not walk down to watch the show. I can see most of the fireworks from my back porch. But I will be glued to he television set for the best of the best - the Boston Pops!

The real celebratory show is down the road in Boston. The Boston Pops have been celebrating the Fourth of July with a concert at the Hatch Shell on the Esplanade for many years - long before I actually knew what the Shell and the Esplanade even were. Families come prepared for rain or shine and camp out for the day. The Pops play a beautiful 2-3 hour program of music that builds toward its crescendo of he 1812 Overture and the Stars and Stripes Forever with the cannon fire and he bells ringing. It is inpiring, chokes me up every single time! Then the fireworks over the Charles River/Boston Harbor begin. It is one heck of a show! Families are decked out in red, white, and blue and have no inhibitions dancing (can-cans) on national TV. I adore it!

I remember first discovering this when I was living in New Orleans. New Orleans back then had little to no organized celebration. I remember once there were fireworks planned on the Lakefront but were so short we missed them. Anyway, back in the day we always had a big party for anyone looking for a place to have some good grilled food and a cold brew. It was such fun. My parents even came down a couple of times to join us. But after the food and booze we always found ourselves parked in front of the television watching the Boston show to end our evening.

I invite you to join the rest of the world watching this class act tonight. Neil Diamond is the celebrity guest. They've been trying to get him for years. What better place for him to sing "Coming to America" or "Sweet Caroline" than Boston! After yesterday's soundcheck he wondered if the crowd would get into "Sweet Caroline". Well for those of you who don't know, this is one of the Red Sox songs! Every 8th inning at Fenway, we sing our version of "Sweet Caroline". Oh the words are still the same, we just add a few sound effects and extra words but everyone knows it! Such fun!

Wishing everyone a safe and happy Fourth. Peace!

It's become a blur!

My gosh - I know I wanted to stay busy but I'm thinking things are getting out of control! How is it that I went on vacation to St. Kitts less than two weeks ago and now it feels like it was a year ago. Not fair! I didn't get to savor that after vacation lull where you sit back and rerun it in your head. My 100+ pictures are still on the memory card in my camera. I have almost stopped peeling from my sunburn (even with SPF 50 I burned). I've already made a business trip and been to a Red Sox game. Busy was good but not blurry! Life is rushing past too quickly these days. Okay I know I can't have my cake and eat it too. At this point I have a few days before I make a quick trip to Nashville (overnighter) for business then I get to relax (I pray!) for a couple of weeks before I'm off on another trip.

Oh well guess I'd just better follow my friend's advice of "quit bitching" and enjoy what does come around. At least I'm not sitting at home with nothing to do and complaining about that! I don't think that will ever be me (note to self - remember this when retirement rolls around).

Spring was almost summer here in New England but has quickly come back almost to winter with chilling rain and gray skies. But we know that we will have some beautiful sunny weekends with sea breezes coming up soon. Maybe that's when I'll be able to refocus on those sunny beach days with the trade winds blowing.

I wish you well! Peace!