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Salem, Mass (Witch City) resident with deep southern roots! Love New England - let it snow! Still making up for all those years south! I'm a widow attempting to make merry but it is very hard. This is my way to vent, share, and talk about my path to finding happiness again. September 2006 I became a widow. My road out of the abyss of grief, guilt, and anger hasn't been easy but I'm clawing my way to something better. Seeing rays of hope and joy. Feel free to comment, share words of wisdom, or just read about my fairly mundane life. Slainte!

Sunday, July 25, 2010


"This must be love, I'm feeling; This must be love" - Phil Collins

Wow how quickly things change. The "waiting" is still a factor but I have no doubts where my heart lies or where his does either.  He has held me in his arms every night except two for the past week! We wonder aloud if this is too much too soon but then we remember that we're not 18 year olds.  We adore one another and want to spend as much time together as possible.  Even if it is just watching a movie cuddled on the couch or eating dinner by candlelight on the deck, it is all so good and so sweet.  We don't have to have marathons to prove anything to one another.  All we do is look into each other's eyes and we see our souls.  As he says "this is destiny, this is our fate"!  I agree. 

Waking up to his warm body, hearing his heartbeat, and feeling the light touch of his fingers as he reaches to hold my hand.  Ah, sublime!  Then the hugs and kisses as we part for the day.  I am tingling as I write this; we were both tingling as we kissed goodbye.

Lord please don't let this ever get old or end.  We were meant for one another.  We both know it.  It's work but it is fun too.  We each have our other worlds that have yet to be penetrated but we'll get there...slowly meeting friends of one another and maybe at some point, families.  Going with the flow of happiness right now.  Please let it last...forever.

Love and Peace to all!

P.S.  Waiting is still the hardest part

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I Want to be Sedated!

Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated - The Ramones

Yep, going nuts again...still! I think the heat is getting to me.  Heat, work, my own impatience, that guy!  I just want to DO something!  I am no longer content to sit around here - as much as I am addicted to Facebook and the PC - I want more out of life!  So what do you do?  Friends for the most part have their families and events going on; I'm out here on my own (uh oh, isn't that another Whitesnake song?).

Got up this morning and it's Sunday - used to be my lazy day.  Now I don't want it to be. Not that I don't have a lot of stuff I COULD do, it's just not what I WANT to do. I feel like I have woken from a long slumber and now and fully fueled, revved and ready to go - a finely honed engine with a body that's still being streamlined  - LOL!

Young girls - take some advice from me!  Never go into a long-term relationship with a much older man.  I loved him but it was not easy and now he's dust and I'm trying to move forward.  I don't care how much money they have, though it may give you pause, think about your long-term future.  Do you want to be where I am - trying to enjoy the things you should have 20 years ago!  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have to tell that the first half of our life together was pretty good, the last half was split between my career taking off and me trying to keep him from drinking himself to death.  Not great memories.  We had wonderful trips and he was a good guy, a fun guy...but at some point the love turned into dependence.  We both should have walked but we didn't.  We screamed and fought - I cried more than anything else. Everyone saw it - including the guy I'm kind of with now! Now guy still can't figure out how anyone could treat me so badly.  I have no answers except I was stupid enough not to leave!

So ladies be careful!  Listen to your heart, not your wallet.  Material things are just that...replaceable.  The love and life I missed can't be replaced -  though someone may be trying to help me make up for it in their own weird way. LOL!

Sedated - yep - I'm back to the good old meds that have kept me somewhat sane for the past few years.  Nothing wrong with that.  I'm not an abuser but on days like today when I spent too much time alone...I need to shut down my mind and my emotions.  Feel like I'm going 90 miles an hour while sitting still.

"Waiting is the hardest part" still applies!

Rambling on today, aren't I?!  Go have some fun you people!  I'll manage something for myself.

Peace and love to all!

Take My Breathe Away

"Is this love that I'm feeling?Is this the love that I've been searching for?" - Whitesnake
I guess I'm learning to always expect the unexpected.  Now for someone who has had a fairly orderly life for the past umpteen years, this blows my mind a bit.  Not that I don't like it - I love it, but it does present its challenges.  I'm trying to figure out how this person thinks...good luck, some of you will say!
Spur of the moment - sitting on the deck talking about ourselves, getting to know one another still; holding hands while watching TV.  Suddenly it's 2:30 and we are both supposed to be up at 5:30!  Yikes!
Sweet passion that finally does take our breathe away...5:30 becomes 8:30.  Sweetness he says as he kisses me goodbye.

No go re-read "Waiting is the hardest part"!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Waiting is the hardest part

Yep - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers starting off this Fourth of July! It is the hardest part of many things in life. Waiting for a plane, for the work day to end, for sleep to come, or for the next event in a relationship.  OK so you knew where I was going with this.  This is a rollercoaster ride.  Just had the most amazing week with that that special guy.  Went on an impromptu dinner date on Tuesday that was so sweet, intimate, and reassuring that we can be alone and enjoy one another in conversation, etc. Then Thursday was another surprise.  We kind of expected to meet up but not sure (am I ever?).  Then we have the most awesome night.  Sitting on my deck watching the stars and Venus with a cool breeze blowing.  Staying up to almost sunrise! Oh, my, my! Friday again - sitting on the deck, both falling asleep watching a movie.  So sweet and loving.

So what is my problem?  I always like a challenge and yes this is one for sure!  A free spirit that I don't want to tame but would like to able to communicate with a little easier.  Doesn't do phones unless he has to; same with computers - likes face to face.  Doesn't like being pigeonholed, not a planner except for work.  Whew - I love it but it drives me nuts.  So waiting IS the hardest part.  I know he cares; I know there is no one else he is interested in; I trust him.  He's starting to talk about "us" and about me to others.  But for a girl who is totally plugged in and connected this is a daunting task!  Self-confidence where are you?!  The stakes are high, putting friendship on the line for romance and love.

In the meantime what do I do with myself?  Go out and have fun, see my friends at the pub, life goes on.  But do you remember the dog in "Up".  Ever once in a while this very intelligent talking dog would revert back to basic instinct at the sound of  "squirrel"?  Hey I'm doing one has to say the name but I hear it in my head and there my mind goes..."chasing wabbits" as he would say. He's my wabbit! LOL!

Time for some more G'n'R Z "Patience".  Happy Fourth of July everyone!