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Salem, Mass (Witch City) resident with deep southern roots! Love New England - let it snow! Still making up for all those years south! I'm a widow attempting to make merry but it is very hard. This is my way to vent, share, and talk about my path to finding happiness again. September 2006 I became a widow. My road out of the abyss of grief, guilt, and anger hasn't been easy but I'm clawing my way to something better. Seeing rays of hope and joy. Feel free to comment, share words of wisdom, or just read about my fairly mundane life. Slainte!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I Want to be Sedated!

Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated - The Ramones

Yep, going nuts again...still! I think the heat is getting to me.  Heat, work, my own impatience, that guy!  I just want to DO something!  I am no longer content to sit around here - as much as I am addicted to Facebook and the PC - I want more out of life!  So what do you do?  Friends for the most part have their families and events going on; I'm out here on my own (uh oh, isn't that another Whitesnake song?).

Got up this morning and it's Sunday - used to be my lazy day.  Now I don't want it to be. Not that I don't have a lot of stuff I COULD do, it's just not what I WANT to do. I feel like I have woken from a long slumber and now and fully fueled, revved and ready to go - a finely honed engine with a body that's still being streamlined  - LOL!

Young girls - take some advice from me!  Never go into a long-term relationship with a much older man.  I loved him but it was not easy and now he's dust and I'm trying to move forward.  I don't care how much money they have, though it may give you pause, think about your long-term future.  Do you want to be where I am - trying to enjoy the things you should have 20 years ago!  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have to tell that the first half of our life together was pretty good, the last half was split between my career taking off and me trying to keep him from drinking himself to death.  Not great memories.  We had wonderful trips and he was a good guy, a fun guy...but at some point the love turned into dependence.  We both should have walked but we didn't.  We screamed and fought - I cried more than anything else. Everyone saw it - including the guy I'm kind of with now! Now guy still can't figure out how anyone could treat me so badly.  I have no answers except I was stupid enough not to leave!

So ladies be careful!  Listen to your heart, not your wallet.  Material things are just that...replaceable.  The love and life I missed can't be replaced -  though someone may be trying to help me make up for it in their own weird way. LOL!

Sedated - yep - I'm back to the good old meds that have kept me somewhat sane for the past few years.  Nothing wrong with that.  I'm not an abuser but on days like today when I spent too much time alone...I need to shut down my mind and my emotions.  Feel like I'm going 90 miles an hour while sitting still.

"Waiting is the hardest part" still applies!

Rambling on today, aren't I?!  Go have some fun you people!  I'll manage something for myself.

Peace and love to all!

1 comment:

  1. Sorry for this late post. I am so very happy that you are now finding the love that you, as a strong and independant woman, deserve.

    For so many years we (Gene, my daughters, me) were afraid to say anything about how your relationship with our "uncle" was progressively going down hill. We so wanted to tell you to get out while you still had time, that you did not deserve to be treated like that.

    And now it is the past and you are finally seeing what we all saw all those years. We all dearly loved him but also saw that he was in a deep depression and drinking way too much, and that it was slowly destroying both of you.

    It is over now and you are starting a new life. May your new found happiness last forever. I am so happy for you that I actually choke up thinking about it.

    I love you my good friend.